I don't know whether to put this in Everyday chatter or here so I just decided to put it here...hope it doesn't get moved...anyways moving on. This post might take long to read but please bear with me...
I will be putting my real name as well as my first crush's name...anyone else mentioned will be censored with an anime name...
Richie - My real name...although I want it to be Kurando hehehe
Denise - My first crush...I miss her
Sheena - My second...I remembered that she played Tales Of Symphonia too, so why not give her a nickname of her fave character?

this happened Monday and started atleast a year ago when I was in grade 8...but first let's take a look back when I was in grade 4

I was doing well in the Philippines where I also had a crush, Denise, at first she was oblivious to this...but after much persuation from her friends...she finally got it. After she knew...she started hanging out with me, talking to me and such, I had the feeling that she liked me as well...this was going to be the "test" so to speak...to prove it. I was slowly getting her to like me and soon I was going to ask her to be my girlfriend...before I could tell her, I was told by my parents that we were moving to Canada in when school ends...which was in 2 weeks, I was devastated...I even told Denise about it and we felt so uneasy, knowing that we will never see each other again, she passed the test with flying colours(since she was also sad that I was moving to Canada)....now I know she actually liked me. After that we soon moved to Canada.

During the plane ride I was so depressed, I though I would never meet someone. I fell into a state of depression. It's not that kind of state that people have...it was very similar but different altogether. I couldn't eat or sleep the first month, I got sick too often and ended up missing school, After the month ended...I was still depressed through my grade 5 school year. I ended up almost failing the grade, by almost failing, I mean the lowest mark you could possibly get without getting an F. There were suspicions around the school wheter I was doing drugs...since I was always tired, not doing well in school, devastated look on my face...I ended up telling the teachers that it isn't drugs...but a state of depression and that I will get over it after a few months...and was I wrong! it lasted for the whole school year!

Moving back to the present. "So..."I thought "Another grade...another pointless year..." but this was different...it was high school...I decided that it would be best if I started paying attention to my schoolwork...since if I fail..I'll get held back a grade and redo it. During the first week, we had a gym class. I was talking to my friends when I stopped suddenly, my friends asked why I have a shocked look on my face...I told them it was nothing..don't pay any attention to it...

It was something...I heard what I never thought I would never hear again....her voice....but it's different...I searched around the gym to find the source of the voice...that's when I saw her....talking with her friends, but something's different...she's taller, she had longer hair...and oh yea that's not Denise! it was someone who looked like her...either that or I'm really delusional. I asked what her name was...of course she replied with her name "Sheena" she said.

that's it for awhile since if I type up everything in one go...it'll take too long to read...so I'm posting it piece by piece...and don't go "Aww..you're in love!" yet...as this thing takes a turn for the worse. for now, if you can...enjoy this one and I will post the rest soon. Also I might turn this into a "fanfic" of something if I get a chance...totally rewriting everything into one anime

Oh oh! I know what this is called!
It's Infatuation!
and um... My suggestion is your too young to be in THIS kind of love.
Maybe you'd want to wait a little while when your really ready.
Because part of true love is learning to let go and live on. And CLEARLY that's way beyond your level because your like what 14, 15?
So for now I think you should concentrate on school work, be successful so in the future you could meet other great people.
As for the girl Sheena, since you can't help yourself but like her go ahead.
But remeber that there's a fine line between "Puppy Love" and " I'm gonna settle down and grow old with you Love"
You really don't wanna flunk right? So do what almost every kid you age does. Study, work hard and eat right XD

But, from the way I understand it, Christopher is in a state that he cannot ignore or bannish away his feelings.

There is a love like that, though it's not very common for that type of love to develop in the 4th grade (in fact, some phycologist claim that it is not possible to love someone else at that age. Using the Phycosocal Crisis Theory, one cannot love until they reach early adulthood, and the love that the child experences and feels is an illusion created through defining one's Identity.) But this type of love does exist. You cannot turn away true feelings so easily. I'm sure there's a lot more to the story that Christopher(EDIT: that wan't his name...) isn't telling us.

He also says this

Don't go "Aww..you're in love!" yet, as this thing takes a turn for the worse.
So I'm going to wait a 'bit before I take sides on this one.

I'm moving this to general chatter anyway, not because I want to be an arse or because I don't take this stuff seriously, but because there it's shielded from the eyes of visitors. A teensy bit more privacy for you ;)

Oh oh! I know what this is called!
So for now I think you should concentrate on school work, be successful so in the future you could meet other great people.

You really don't wanna flunk right? So do what almost every kid you age does. Study, work hard and eat right XD
Yes I AM doing better in school since I met her.."Sheena" I mean. The desire to "impress her" so to speak, has me doing better in school. Since she's in advanced classes, I wanted to show her that I can do just as well... I actually made the honor roll last year ^_^


But, from the way I understand it, Christopher is in a state that he cannot ignore or bannish away his feelings.
I'm sure there's a lot more to the story that Richard isn't telling us.

Yes exactly! that's how it was in the beginning...and it still is. Also not to be rude...my name's not exactly Richard(unless you're not reffering to me, then I apologize)..more like Richmond(which is why I said Kurando), like the place in Vancouver....I have no idea why I was named that but I will find out


I'm moving this to general chatter anyway, not because I want to be an arse or because I don't take this stuff seriously, but because there it's shielded from the eyes of visitors. A teensy bit more privacy for you
Thanks...I never really noticed that the Everyday Chatter only shows up for members :heh: Thanks again!

The next part will be posted soon.

Actually now that I've calmed down...it's not that bad...If I mislead you guys thinking that this will lead to something VERY VERY serious...I apologize...

It took me atleast a week to figure out that I had fallen for her...I started noticing that I've been thinking about her too much and stuff like that..that was one giveaway. The next week..I saw Sheena again, I was so nervous I couldn't even say hello. I quickly walked out of her direction to regroup myself. Normally I'm not like this, but even since the move I've never found someone I liked for 4 years and now I did...so as you can see, it's pretty hard for me to talk to her(Also back in the Philippines I had a "Sasuke/Shino type attitude"...now I have a "Hinata/Shikamaru attitude" from cool and collected to Shy and smart/lazy...). During the course of my grade 8 year...I've made every attempt to impress her...all of them failed and ended up with me either creeping her out or making myself look like an idiot in front of her. Anyways let's move ahead to the last 2 days of grade 8...Summer vacation is coming...and we were signing each others' year books. I went up to Sheena and asked her to sign it...in turn I signed her's. After I signed her book, she told me not to read it until I get home. I thought "Ok then...might as well" knowing that it could either be a bad thing or a good thing I decided to stay loyal to my words and not read it until I get home. After the early dismissal I went to a Summer Break party that my friends had set up. 2 hours later I went home.

As I came into the house...I noticed that it was empty, my brother had decided to hangout with his friends for awhile and my sister doesn't have an early dismissal (HAHA j/k). I sat down on the couch and read everyone's signatures and what they wrote...it was the usual H.A.G.S.(Have A Great/Good Summer) that everyone writes. I looked for her message hoping it'll be a good one. To my dismay it read "Hi Richie! H.A.G.S." then on the bottom written in calligraphy "I found out from "someone", I only think of you as a classmate/friend" followed by her signature. So I thought "ok then...atleast she wrote friend". Hoping that I would get over the "Sheena not liking me thing" I lived out everyday normally...hung out with friends and such. Then as quickly as summer started...it was over. I forgot all about the whole thing and went to school as planned. Then I saw her again...I didn't feel that sort of feeling when I saw her...I mean it was a felt it was still there but it was weak. So I was happy that I forgot about it...The days soon came, and the next time I was around Sheena, I started feeling it again...this time it was very strong. So I thought "Oh shoot it's still there." I walked to my next class pretty quickly and regrouped again. After class, I have decided that it's best not to get obsessive and completely forget about her. It worked for a few weeks, but the feeling is still light. Winter Break (monday) So then I decided to finally ask her..."What does Sheena really think of me?" I waited for her to come online on MSN and I asked her the question.

It took awhile to get a reply from her (like 3-4 minute gap), so I assume that she must be thinking the easiest way to tell me. I told her that "it's fine...take all the time you need.." She replied with a Thank You and soon replied that she only thought of me as a friend....and that she liked someone else.... So I thought "Ok..she likes someone, doesn't matter anyway.". Out of instinct and basically trying to tell her I'm fine..I told her "I respect your privacy...so unlike other people, I'm not going to ask who it is". Sheena immediately replied "Thanks", but somehow the way I played her voice in my head...it was a different thank you...I can't really explain it, it was like a thank you for comforting her...I've never gotten that from her before...and with that, she had to go so we said goodbye to each other. Soon I later found out that it's one of my friends she's interested in. Upon receiving the info...I suddenly felt something I've never felt before...something like I have to protect her or something...but that's weird...why would I have to protect her? or maybe it's a feeling of regret...a regret that I might've missed my chance. which brings me to the topic title.

Sheena also said that at first when she found out at grade 8...she never actually payed attention to it(just like Denise) and when I told her again during grade 9..She slowly started talking to me more....I think I may still have a shot at this..Should I ask her if there is anyway that I could possibly still have a chance?

again I'm sorry for misleading some of you...I was upset at the time and I wasn't thinking clearly. I actually feel better now that I know...after 2 days of disappointment :heh:...but there's still this feeling...:think:

I usually suck at advice, but in my opinion, I think you should just stay friends. Its easier on everybody, especially if she likes your friend. If you really care about her and your friend, you'll give her some space until you're sure.

I'm not sure when this all happened though. Was this two days ago?

I hope that doesn't sound mean. >.<

I'm just saying you should wait.

yep it happened two days ago-ish...also don't worry about me...I've learned how to handle this in a mature way...after I calmed down that is :sweat:

I'm just waiting for my chance...when he lets "Sheena" go...i'll be there to comfort her and possibly change her mind about me ^_^

...

This... Actually is a pretty close story to what happened to me a long time ago; minus the moving away, having a precurser to the venus beauty, and the fact that I was going steady for about 2 months.

The way I'm seeing things is that your feeling a form of jelousy; not a very strong form, but it is still a flame. Also a bit of depression and anger seems to be lurking inside your mind- you can't quite grasp the concept of "why?" even though she told you exactly what the problem is/was. And also have a bit of helpless mixed in. You cannot throw away the feelings you have for her, but she doesn't feel for you the same way. You want to be closer, while she wants to remain on the grounds you are currently present on.

I think that's what the Strange feeling is. It's all a part of your melting-pot of emotions (Jelousy, depression, anger, and helplessness). It's funny how love is the key or gateway to the other emotions, isn't it?

That's probably what I'm feeling...it seems a bit like that

Going on the rebound takes away pride but if you'd like... I guess it's your choice.
In addition since she likes someone else and sees you only as a friend. You really shouldn't press her anymore, girls don't really like to be smuthered by non-boyfriends. I can tell your a pretty nice guy, and I'm sure there'll be someone else in the future just right for you. Just wait for it and be patient kay? And like what Mies said, it's probally because you're jealous or something even though you SAY it's alright. Chin-up, focus on something not just because of a girl. You should have goals for your own purposes, your world should not revolve around someone who rejected you.

Yea...I realized that after pondering alone in my room on monday...I'm still thinking whether to let go or just wait....so far it's leaning on letting her go. There's just too many thing more important that seeking after something that can't be...erm...sought after? was it :heh:
I actually gained more responsibility because of this incident ^_^

This word... Is it truly what you have gained? Think long and hard. How did this situation spur about responsibility? This duty. This feeling of obligation and power... How can it exist if the object you want to protect does not desire for it, let alone request it? What power can possibly exist within that?

There is no duty to an unrequited love, nor is there power to be controled, only a one sided pain existing in irregular shapes and sizes. The emotions you felt have destroyed your form of judgement, and you "think" that you have restituted your mental state, but in truth, your judgement is still being affected, or else you would not have is residual feeling.

I believe your word is Maturity.

BUT! I seem to be looking too deeply into this story! So to point things out on a slightly lighter note, this is a positive experence for you to have. Choose wisely, for this choice helps reveil a new road to your future, awaiting your choice to take it or continue on the orginal road.

This word... Is it truly what you have gained? Think long and hard. How did this situation spur about responsibility? This duty. This feeling of obligation and power... How can it exist if the object you want to protect does not desire for it, let alone request it? What power can possibly exist within that?

There is no duty to an unrequited love, nor is there power to be controled, only a one sided pain existing in irregular shapes and sizes. The emotions you felt have destroyed your form of judgement, and you "think" that you have restituted your mental state, but in truth, your judgement is still being affected, or else you would not have is residual feeling.

I believe your word is Maturity.

BUT! I seem to be looking too deeply into this story! So to point things out on a slightly lighter note, this is a positive experence for you to have. Choose wisely, for this choice helps reveil a new road to your future, awaiting your choice to take it or continue on the orginal road.

So, it's not responsibility I've gained but maturity?

Anyways, what I meant by "protecting her" is like looking out for her...on a similar note...I was thinking back during grade 8 and what I've done wrong...I just remembered that most of the time in gym...well, she was kind of a klutz... I was always there to help her up, catch her when she trips. Also sometimes I even "saved" from getting hit by a ball...on her face, I did this all by instinct, that and fast reflexes. That's what I mean by protecting her, it still feels like I still have a sort of "duty" to accomplish...thinking deeply right now, I feel that I have to make sure she's safe, not just by being with her...but also to look out for her. It's not also love I'm feeling, but this feeling to somehow make her safe.:unsure:

I know how you feel. I do it with some people I know. I don't "like" the people in the sense that is generally described as love, but I feel so close to them that I have to protect them, even when they don't want me to. But it feels like its my duty or something...

All I can say is keep doing what your doing if it doesn't bother either of you.

^ That's sort of how I feel...she actually impressed and creeped out at the same time, because everytime she trips, falls or gets hit by a ball...I'm always there to stop it from happening. It sort of like I'm her "guardian" or something.

I see. That kinda how I am. Just make sure that she isn't too creeped out. :P

hahah...that's true...

Ack! Why do I not come here at the right times?
...eh, I'm no good with advice...but what you've experienced just reminds me of the relationship with someone I only know through the internet. And he lives in Vancouver, like you...scary, isn't it?

You know, it sounds likes an older brother-little sister relationship sometimes XD. Probably because you're protecting her...alot...(actually, the term I'd rather use is a Hiei-Yukina relationship) ^_^;
It does sound like some kind of anime indeed! Eheheh.

I agree that he is too young for this kind of love
And yes it is hard to jus bannish this feeling
I just hope this desnt have a horrible ending
Well how many young teenagers stay with their girl till the end?
Hopefully the answer would be none
So Im wishing ya good luck
My only advice----DO NOT LET HER CONTROL YOU
Thats wat happened to my bro
As for me I'll wait till im 19
So just imaginary partners for now

I've just decided to let go...that's it, I'm not going to bother anymore...she doesn't like me(as friends yea) so why bother? I have to concentrate on my school work if I want to be a music teacher. so yea I'm just going to let go. My feelings have diminished suddenly, I just can't explain it...maybe it's the winter break, but I'm suddenly over it! I realized that there's other people out there. I can finally lay my feelings to rest now. Although I DO still feel the need to protect her, I'll cope with it

I've just decided to let go...that's it, I'm not going to bother anymore...she doesn't like me(as friends yea) so why bother? I have to concentrate on my school work if I want to be a music teacher. so yea I'm just going to let go. My feelings have diminished suddenly, I just can't explain it...maybe it's the winter break, but I'm suddenly over it! I realized that there's other people out there. I can finally lay my feelings to rest now. Although I DO still feel the need to protect her, I'll cope with it

Haha. Thats the same feeling I get when I get over the feeling of being in love with someone I can't have. Wait a few weeks, and then the feeling suddently goes away like you both never knew eachother at the start.

Love is pretty hard to deal with, but time and time again you must let yorself know that you will be okay. Or else you won't be.

I lost my feelings for her....I'll chalk it up to winter vacation...I'm feeling better now though