Well, after having some terrible dating experiences in the past, I kinda gave up dating and tried to take it solo for a few years but for the past several weeks, I must admit I'm quite taken by the new girl that came to my job. I took an instant liking to her and been interested in her since day 1 when she came. Heh, this isn't one of those "Ohhh how do I approach her and stuff", it's more like what should I do since she's my co-worker and that. It's not like I don't have a chance though since she took an instant liking to me too and we usually talk a lot during work and our breaks/lunch, play around w/ each other (like joking around physically like when she accidentally scared me that made my legs give out when I was doing my aisles cause she was being silly) went out to eat together and she even considered going somewhere w/ me on a free day w/ her and exchanged phone numbers. The thing is, I know she likes me but I'm not sure if she has some romantic feelings for me or just friendship. If she does like me however, I'm not sure what to do really since I never properly dated anyone cause all the girls I dated in high school wasn't exactly all that pleasant (I'm willing to share about it but only if anyone's interested) and I never did actually go on a date w/ any of them so some possible dating tips would be nice. Also, I might have a rival cause a guy who works there who's also my friend might be interested in her as well (18) so waiting too long until I'm sure may backfire. I'm just asking for your thoughts on this.

BTW she's 18 if anyone wanted to know.

(This is my first thread so I do hope it's in the right area and if it's not, could a mod please move it to a more suitable one?)

This is going to be, to say the least, complicated. Theres probably going to be a lot of people with a lot of opinions, so dont just look at the poll DS, best advice I can give is to follow your gut.

Personaly from the things I seen/heard, you should never work with family (or significant others), but this, like anything is relative.

Personaly Id just tell her how you feel, dont be all "OMG I loovee j000" be "serious" about it and dont come off as desperate/creepy or whatever. Just dont be too clingy, make sure she knows you have a thing for her...posibly wonder/ask if she feels the same about you and leave it at that.

AFAIK you known her for a while so this isnt a passing intrest, and you gotten to know her so you probably wont get any ugly surprises (tho this can never be guarrantied)

Dont wait it out IMHO, unless you're not sure about how you feel. If yer sure, just go for it and hope for the best.

Dating tips..well I cant really give any since I never been *on* a date XD but just IDK dress nice, and be yourself, dont try to pull of some suave shit tht will probably backfire and stuff. Be DS, cause if all goes well, thats who she agreed to date.

Anyways as I said, take all out opinions as a grain of salt, just go with your gut and hope it all turns out right in the long run.

Good luck to ya man.

[Edit] I didnt vote in the poll. just an FYI.

I'v known/stalked/married you long enough to know why you don't want to decide this by yourself but from what you have said I think you should do the difficult option of telling her that you have feelings towards her. Good luck.

Thanks Luis and Han for posting so soon and for your thoughts on this. I do aim to tell her how I feel but I was trying to build up our relationship first then tell her. Thanks to me always looking out for her when I go to break or lunch if she needed anything (I would buy something for her if she was thirsty and/or hungry) now she does the same thing and even went and got me some chocolate today and said "Let's eat it together" w/ that cute smile of hers :wub:. Of course I repaid the favor by buying a mag for her which she was going to pay but let me (but only after beating her at a game of rock paper scissors) and I think she really liked that gesture since she giggled and was smiles before I went to eat up stairs during my lunch earlier that night. Right now we're comfortable w/ one another and isn't afraid to just talk to me about anything and doesn't mind me asking questions about her family and other personal things. It's just the timing and the setting I'm worried about. If I'm going to tell her, I'm going to tell when we go out and have fun w/ just the two of us. It's just gonna be hard getting a date planned since she's even more busy than me w/ hardly any free time but I'll do whatever it takes to set one. I'm just very nervous.....very nervous. (never went out somewhere w/ a girl alone)

i'm prolly one of the last guys who should be giving advice on this but in my opinion...being worried aobut stuff tends to backfire and cause msot to second guess waht otherwise could be the right thing to do...having such a pause in asking perhaps might MIGHT cause a bit of akwardness on both parties like perhaps she's just waiting for you to ask but you never know unless you take a deep breath, muster up the courage, and ask teh question. but yeah as long as you show an interest in her, that really does tell a girl alot, and if you do get teh chance it would be nice :P
GL BIG BOY XDDD

I don't think you even need to tell her now. Just ask her out on a date, it seems she can already see your emotions. Invite ichigos to the wedding :)

The reason you feel uncomfortable is because you are either uncertain about her feelings (extremely common), and not willing to lose anything. I won't lie to you. Asking someone to go steady is a gamble of emotions. Whether or not they accept it is something thats indeterminable, but do hear this: Nothing changes between two people when they do this. The so called "dating" and "going out" are exactly the same as being good friends. The only difference is the amount of time you spend together.

Besides, what's the worst that could happen? Her saying no. Even if that does happen, your feelings are inflection upon her, and she now knowns how you feel about her. She may come to like you more at a later time and eventually ask you that question herself.

“Even if you fall on your face, you're still moving forward.”
—Robert C. Gallagher

Just as M said, even if she says no, things shouldn't change around you two because you've said you guys are pretty close. Don't wait it out too long, look for a chance and take it ASAP

Also, I'm in the same feld as azn, being the last guy who should be asked about dating but then from what I can tell, just be yourself and don't pull anything that you wouldn't necessarily do with someone else (being suave like Luis said) it just like going out and having fun with friends...except with love in the air :P

In any case, I wish you good luck in doing what I haven't been able to do XD
Let us know how it went too

Also, if you indeed have a rival guy, you pretty much have the upper hand considering you're close to her and as you've said, you guys talk alot, time is your enemy, wait too long and it's all for naught (I've always wanted to say that XD)

You said so yourself, you haven't had good relationships previously. Say you two start dating, what happens if ya'll break up? One of ya'll will be out of a job, or you'll be having very uncomfortable days working with her XD. Of course, if you're not worried about quitting your job (like if its just a part time thing to get a little cash or whatever) then I'd say go for it. Though personally, I would stay good friends with her and see what comes of it.

Nevermind my silly advice! I make no sense!

okay.. I'm speaking from experience here. I can't give a yes or no answer because only you can answer that. What I can do is offer some points to remember if you do start to date her

First of all! Make sure you or her aren't going to be fired or get forced to quit for dating. Nothing ruins the fun like losing your job over it. Most companies have some form of fraternization clause in the employee handbook. For example, my company's policy is no dating within your own department, because they don't want someone to get promoted and then play favorites.

Remember that she has a life of her own. Work life is separate from personal life. She is allowed to go to lunch and social events with other people. If you feel like you would be jealous because of this, it's a very bad idea to get in the relationship.

Also, remember that you are going to be seeing her EVERY single day. While this can be great at first, everyone needs personal space. For many people, the only personal space they get is at work, where there's no family, etc. This means that she may not want to hang out every day because she needs her space.

Lastly, if the relationship goes bad, NOW you are potentially in a world of pain. If it ended hurtful for you, you're going to have to see the person that broke your heart EVERY DAY. If it ended hurtful for her, she is in the same boat. If the relationship did NOT end well, she can easily destroy your job or your reputation at the company. The drama will be flowing thick and your work life will be miserable.

Granted, I've seen some work relationships work out. Also both of you are young so chances are you aren't going to be at this job for the rest of your lives. You just need to make sure you know her and yourself very well when you go into this.

@M: Heh, yeah..... it's the reason why I'm so uncomfortable telling her so soon. Nothing like fearing hearing "no" to make you second guess yourself. It's true though that even if she says no now, doesn't mean she won't say yes later. I just don't want to mess it up, that's all, since she is the first girl I actually wanted in a relationship and could get along w/.

@Asuka: Yes, I did have some bad relationships but only cause I settled for someone instead of the one I wanted (who in turn, turned out to be the one I didn't even want in the first place w/ the emotional problems and stuff I had to deal w/ her). My first girlfriend was really shy but so shy in fact that she barely talked and the relationship ended cause we literally couldn't get a conversation going. (it was like talking to a wall sometimes). I even did a test w/ her to see if it was worth even saving by not saying a word to her at lunch and see if she would even say "hi". You know what happened? We met at lunch, I smiled and waved "hello" and she did the same but w/ a smile. We went outside and just looked at the other students playing around and stuff. For 30 mins.. this girl did not say a single word. Just glances every now and then but nothing else. She said bye though when lunch was over which, I must sadly say, I mentally said, "Oh my god! She can talk?!" That was sad since it wasn't the first time I thought that. I swear sometimes I felt like I was dating Chi from Chobits since sometimes she would only say one word after I spoke for like 5 mins. ._. My second one was a rebound who I later found out was waiting for me to break up w/ my first girlfriend. I ended up turning her away cause she was controlling and was actually planning out what we were gonna do. Like, "Okay, we're gonna hold hands for (X) long, then next week we're gonna kiss, then the week after that we're gonna french kiss and the week after that one you're gonna meet my parents and then finally the week after that one, we gonna have....." Yeah...... all this from day 1 in the relationship. ._.; (stopped it at day 1)

@Gand: You do make a good point Gand. It could be risky getting into a relationship seeing that it could possibly be harmful to us in the work place but I'm willing to take the risk if I have to and we're not planning to stay there our whole lives either. (Not like some people I know there) I'm doing it until I'm out of college or I get a better job when I get my car and she's doing it until she's finished w/ college as well. (if I get a better one I don't have to worry about the work place troubles). Of course I know she can socialize w/ other people, it's not like I'm gonna forbid her to talk to anyone or anything like that (real relationship killer there), nor would I be jealous. Basically she just goes to work, school and if she has time, go to the gym then sleep all day. She was complaining to me how boring it was since she couldn't really have fun because she's so busy, hence why I suggested possibly going out somewhere on a free day w/ me. Also, I'm comfortable if she doesn't want to hang out everyday cause physically she can't since she likes to keep herself busy often and only have one or two days off really so for now, just seeing her at work, w/ the possible meetings outside of work for fun or a phone call every now and then is enough for me at the moment. You really did open my eyes to some things Gand so thank you for that and to everyone else who posted here.

Also, remember that you are going to be seeing her EVERY single day. While this can be great at first, everyone needs personal space. For many people, the only personal space they get is at work, where there's no family, etc. This means that she may not want to hang out every day because she needs her space.

Better than what I got, man!


You just need to make sure you know her and yourself very well when you go into this.

I agree, even though, like Chris and azn, I probably shouldn't give my advice on account of my not having gone on a one-on-one ever...

I reckon just go for it. If it goes wrong then you just have to keep your chin up and avoid working in the same area of the store or whatever.

It's way worse knowing that someone has asked her out before you and that you missed your chance in my opinion, but as Gand said you need to check the clauses in your contract first.

Is a bit of money really more important than acting upons your hearts desire.

Is a bit of money really more important than acting upon your heart's desire.

yes.

X, w/ her one word asnwer, does make sense. I do like this girl but the question is, am I willing to lose my job of two years for this girl if it goes bad or I get rejected? I know I do I like her but this is the only job I have and since I don't have a car yet, this is the only one really I can do since it's so close to my home and they give me flexible hours real easy over there, not to mention unlike other jobs we can actually clown around at times and wear clothes (jackets) we're not really suppose to wear among other things. I know some of you are like "screw the money, i have rules" ummm... not that one :heh: (more like "screw the money, i have love") but I can't just think that with me paying for college by myself and the fact that I periodically pay my mom some money to make things easier for her. She does have to sometimes pay large amounts of cash thanks to my family's greedy ways at times and the fact my dad don't have to pay child support anymore since my bro turned 18. (she basically gets almost no help) X is looking at logical point of view. She knows that even though I like her, is she even worth losing my job and my only source of income for someone who may only think of me as a friend? I just really need to think about this more. (hugs X for making me write all this off of one word) :P

I do have to agree with X. It seems that your job is really necessary for a lot of reasons.

True clarinetist. I just need to really think about this. Maybe I should try to find someone who's more free and/or more into the things I like. For me, I'm just going for my 4th multi choice. Not ruling her out yet but let's see where this leads. Who knows maybe I'll feel different about her the more I know about her.