We all know that there's something to laugh about when considering every instrument in a band. Here are some funny instrument jokes that I remember.

-What's the range of a tuba? 20 feet if you have a good arm.
-How do you make a trombone sound like a french horn? Stick you hand in the bell and miss a lot of notes.
-What do you call someone who hangs out with musicians? A percussionist.
-How do you know when a viola player enters a party? They always come in late.
-What's the lowest a baritone can go? 20,000 leagues sounds nice.
-Why do bagpipers walk when they play? To get away from the noise.
-What's the difference between a trombone and a chainsaw? A chainsaw is easier to improvise with.
-How do you make two flautists play in tune with each other? Shoot one.
-How many trumpet players does it take to change a light bulb? 5. One person to change the bulb, and 4 others to say how much better they could have done it.
-How does a trumpet player greet someone? Hello, I'm better than you.
-How do you make a chainsaw sound like a bari sax? Add vibrato.
-How many bass trombonists does it take to change a light bulb. One, but he'll do it too loudly.
-How does a soprano singer change a light bulb? She holds it, and the world revolves around her.
-What's the difference between a violin and a viola? A viola burns longer.
-What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before jumping on the trampoline.
-How do you stop a bus full of violists from going over a cliff? You don't
-What's the difference between roadkill and a dead violist? The skid marks in front of the road kill.
-What do you get if you throw a major and then a grand piano down the cliff? A flat major.
-Whats the difference between a lawnmower and a saxophone? The way you hold them.
-What did the percussionist get on his IQ test? Drool.
-What will you see if you look up a soprano's skirt? A tenor.
-What's the difference between a viola and a cello? The cello is more relevant.
-How do you know whenever there's a baritone in the choir? He'll do the same as any baritone will do, be loud.
-Why do women/girls pick flute and violin? Because they're like them they screech and whine when they play.
-Why do people think bands are the worst of the ensembles? 'Cause they don't know what piano means
-I broke my G-string while fingering A-minor.

Say any you can think of, and I'll add them to the list.

"I broke my G-String" That is what I said and lots of ppl looked at me weird, when I broke my Violin G-String.

Well, here's a bit of viola bashing, because our viola section really is terrible.

What's the difference between a violin and a viola? A viola burns longer
What's the difference between a viola and a trampoline? You take off your shoes before jumping on the trampoline
How do you stop a bus full of violists from going over a cliff? You don't
What's the difference between roadkill and a dead violist? The skid marks in front of the road kill

Those are the best I can remember I think.

What do you get if you throw a major and then a grand piano down the cliff? A flat major.

-Whats the difference between a lawnmower and a saxophone?
The way you hold them.

-What did the percussionist get on his IQ test?
Drool.

-What will you see if you look up a soprano's skirt?
A tenor.

What's the difference between a viola and a cello? The cello is more relevant

How do you know whenever there's a baritone in the choir? He do the same as any baritone will do, be loud.

Why do women/girls pick flute and violin? Because they're like them they screech and whine when they play

Why do people think bands are the worst of the ensembles? 'Cause they don't know what piano means

I broke my G-string while fingering A-minor.

^ Funny for guitarists and sexual deviants.

.

Ew? @_@

What's brown and sits on a piano stool? - Beethoven's last movement :P

oh wow, that is sick... eughhh!

awww, too bad I don't have one for clarinet.
oh, nvm, 'boner.'
just think about it, I find it hilarious.

lol

What is the difference between a cello and a coffin? The coffin has the corpse inside it
What is the difference between a guitar and a tuna fish? You can tune a guitar but you can't tuna fish
How do you make an oboist play a sustained A-flat? Steal his batteries.
How do you know when a trumpet player is at your door? The doorbell shrieks!
How do you fix a broken tuba? With a "tuba glue."
How do you tell when your lead singer is at the door? He can't find the key and doesn't know when to come in.
How can you tell that a kid on a playground is a trombonist's kid? He can't swing and he complains about the slide.
What is a hooker's favorite instrument? A guitar -- the G string is thinner.
How are trumpets like pirates? They are both murder on the high C's.

What do you call a percussionist who has no girlfriend? Homeless

cello: How do you get a 'cellist to play fortissimo? Write "pp, espressivo"

harp: "Now I'm going to start with an old chinese folk-tune, called 'Tu-Ning'!"
"an harpist is born, tunes his harp and dies."

What do you call a good flute section? Impossible.

I love that one.:lol:

I think I would be lynched if I mentioned that one at our band (over 1/3 of it is flutes) :unsure:

"I broke my G-String" That is what I said and lots of ppl looked at me weird, when I broke my Violin G-String.

LOL! XDDD When our band teacher was like "Violins pull your G-string!" everyone in the class was laughing their ass off. xD

What's great about woodwind instruments? We have an excuse. -points at reed-

How many Trombones does it take to unlock a door? One, but he has to figure out which position to do it in first.

Why would oboists make good detectives? They're always sharp.

These aren't instrument-geared, but they're still funny. =P The last three are...uhh.... O_O Just a warning.

How about you act like a fermata and let me hold you?
You must be augmented cause my love for you just won't diminish!
Let's have a tonic and get to your root.
You can treat me like an ad lib solo, and play with me any way you want.
Let's go into the practice room and work on our tonguing, fingering and lip slurs.
I wish I was your flute...then you could press my buttons and blow me all night long.

Those last 2 are funny, ajauafmaesu.

vibrato: used by singers to hide the fact that they are on the wrong pitch.

music: a complex organizations of sounds that is set down by the composer, incorrectly interpreted by the conductor, who is ignored by the musicians, the result of which is ignored by the fucking audience.

the audience is fucking the band?!@_@


....anyways....you know you've been in band too long if:
* ...you march 8 to 5 in time with other bandos in the hallway
* ...all your friends are in the band
* ...the months December, January, February, March, and April are of no importance to you.
* ...you have a neckstrap tan line
* ...you have a harness tan line
* ...you called your director mom (or dad) and they responded.
* ...the sound of your alarm clock brings back fond memories of band camp
* ...you and and your band friends spontaneously start singing last years show
* ...you almost got impaled on a colorguard saber
* ...you cancel a date with your girlfriend because you have a competition that saturday. (which wouldn't happen anyway, because...(see next line))
* ...your girlfriend is in the band
* ...you draw drill sets on your homework
* ...you receive your traditional freshmen wedgie after your band wins chapters
* ...you have no problem changing your clothes on a bus filled with fellow band members

AHAHAHAHAHAH!!! I never knew that instrument jokes existed!!
my fav was the g-string one!

Lol, sadly, the whole 'arrogant trumpet player' stereotype is quite true.

what's the definition of a minor second? two oboes playing in unison.

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger all got a part in a classical inspired movie. When asked which parts they would like to play, Bruce Willis requested to act as Chopin, because he was the best. Stallone asked to get the Beethoven part because he loved the Pathetique. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked, he simply said, "I'll be Bach." :)

What is a gentleman? A man who knows how to play trumpet, but doesn't
What is the difference between trumpet players and government bonds? Government bonds eventually mature and earn money
What do trumpet plays use as birth control? Their personalities
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the trumpet players
What do you call a trumpet player with half a brain? Gifted
What's the difference between a clarinet and an onion? Nobody cries when you chop a clarinet into pieces
What's the best way to confuse a drummer? Put a piece of sheet music in front of them

Why do oboists put their oboes in clarinet cases?
So they won't get stolen!

mmm I have lots of fun at band with jokes like all these here [:

-How many bass trombonists does it take to change a light bulb. One, but he'll do it too loudly.
-How does a soprano singer change a light bulb? She holds it, and the world revolves around her.
-
Say any you can think of, and I'll add them to the list.

Continuing this trend,
How many flautists does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Six. One to get the ladder, one to change it, and four others to complain that it's too high.
How many conductors does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Does it really matter? Half the band isn't watching anyway.
And finally, What do you get by throwing a piano down a mine shaft? A-Flat Minor. What do you yell before throwing a piano down a mine shaft? C-Sharp or B-Flat Minor!

What do you do with a band student that doesn't play his/her instrument very well? You give him 2 sticks and make him play percussion.
What do you do with a percussionist that doesn't play percussion very well? You take away one of his sticks and make him a conductor.

-Why do bagpipers walk when they play? To get away from the noise.


How do you explain the drummers following them?... >>;; Of course they are drummers.

:lol: Don't tell that joke at a pipe forum; they'll have your hide.

Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger all got a part in a classical inspired movie. When asked which parts they would like to play, Bruce Willis requested to act as Chopin, because he was the best. Stallone asked to get the Beethoven part because he loved the Pathetique. When Arnold Schwarzenegger was asked, he simply said, "I'll be Bach." :)
Yay, my favorite music joke! :P

ahaha, thanks :D

-Why do people think bands are the worst of the ensembles? 'Cause they don't know what piano means
-I broke my G-string while fingering A-minor.

A hahaha! I love the band one! SO TRUE!!!

What happens if a tenor goes higher than an alto in a choral arrangement? A STAB

What happens if a tenor goes higher than an alto in a choral arrangement? A STAB

I don't get it.

Edit.

Is it...Soprano Tenor Alto Bari?
XD Now I get it...