So i have this friend back from jr high.. I didnt realy like him but hes just one of those people who are always offensive. You know the type that makes you feel bad even if there joking. Now... being the person I am of course I dont take insults. I dont just stand their and let someoen call me a *bi*ch and be like "HI". And like most "GUYS" probably, you have friends or people that always insult you on a regular basis like playing a game. Kinda like the gangstas, they treat insults and words like its a everyday thing. You know like i insult u, u gota get a good come back or u lose.

Anyways... after several years of no communication he gets on gmail chat and says "sup bitch". My question is... how do you respond to that? Whats a good come back? Should i say stuff like. Where you been hoe? You da bitch? Hi? that hurts?

And 2nd... How do you deal with these types of friends?

I'm a nice person in real life and do not like to cuss or say vulgar stuff if not nescesary. But theres these guys, their not bad like they gun down people or potheads but its just in their nature, their culture, how they grew up to be "INSULTING". As a "GUY" if i say stuff like " Dont say that, it hurts" They'll be like HAHAHAH you pu$$y. Whats the matter with you. You could say im referring to them as having similar traits as gangstas, street thugs, wanna be bad asses, the ass in general and just dickheads. I cant always avoid these people either, sometimes their co-workers, friends friends, classmate, or even family. I cant just ignore them as their a living being in this society that we as people have to live with.

These people are ok hang out with generally but its just hard especially for the nice people who dont like to play the insult game or the dissing game to "prove" or get respect. Deep inside theirs always this awkward feeling they give me because of that gap.

So how do you guys deal with this?

For me... my whole life iv been putting different masks on. If i hang out with this group, I defend my self, give come backs and "dis" them back. And after the dissing introductions. Its all coo from their. Then when im with my other group of friends. I put on my other mask. "hi, how are you" hows it goin. Instead of sup bitch, "where da F*uk u been? etc"

I found that this type of culture /manners / personalities or character traits whatever you wanna call it has increased so much espcially in young people in our society that its almost become human nature to "dis" pick on people and make them feel bad naturally. I also know that parents and how you grew up is a major aspect of how they turn out to be later in life.


So if you guys get what im talking about.

What are some ways you guys deal with it?
Do you deal with it?
What are some of your opinions / viewpoints?
Do you have friends or people like that?
Are any of you on here actually one of those people that are like that and wish to express your self?
Is this the same among females as well?

P.S. I also think the gender is very important on whomever is replying. As I spoke above for myself as a guy, im sure a girl would have different view opinions, thoughts and povs about what iv said above and how they deal with it. Its just not manly for most guys to deal with problems in ways that girls do.

The dots always make a good start "....."
maybe "that hurts." as a sarcastic comment.
Only explain if your asked.
stay as your wonderful self!

I have a few friends like that. You can't say "that hurts," because it's awkward.
Eg, you'll be called a faggot or something.
I find when a friend hurts you by making a joke that goes too far, a stern "okay, fuck you," does the trick. Because "fuck you" can be taken as a "dis" or joke, but if they're really your friends, they'll be able to tell that they went too far from the sound of your voice and the look in your eyes, and they'll lay off, or even "jokingly" apologize.

As guys, it's all about letting each other know where the boundaries are, without ever admitting there are any boundaries. We're not gay, you know!

I'm with you, though. I'm not really into the playful meanness either, but apparently it's something we men have to do to make sure everyone knows how big our dicks are. Oh well. At least we have friends to tease us, I guess.

Anyways... after several years of no communication he gets on gmail chat and says "sup bitch". My question is... how do you respond to that? Whats a good come back? Should i say stuff like. Where you been hoe? You da bitch? Hi? that hurts?

Typically, when someone tries to harmfully insult me, I follow the game they play, without lowering myself to their level. I insult them intellectually. Such as: "Like a person wearing a red rose 500 years ago, how about you?" or "In solemn miscerger. Yourself?" They loose balance when you use larger words or polylayered concepts, as they expect to see a strong barbaric reaction, and it derails their insult making them look stupid as they have to use context clues on what exactly it was that you said. Typically the reaction will be a "what?" or "you're stupid", but hearing those words are the same as winning the battle in my book.

Now if it's playful, I typically ignore or rewrite what they said in my head without the obscene material, and be certain not to use the terms that were obscene.


And 2nd... How do you deal with these types of friends? If mean, I'm a nice person in general in real life and do not like to cuss or say vulgar stuff if not nescesary. But theres these guys, and their not like bad guys or anything but its just in their nature, their culture, how they grew up to be like that. If saying something like. Dont say that, it hurts. They'll be like HAHAHAH you pu$$y. Whats the matter with you.

The best way to deal with those that are vulgar is to let them be. Don't react to what they say. As they say, a reaction causes the action. What I typically do is rephrase what they say in my head without the obscenities (clean it up) and make certain not to use slang when talking to them (throw it away).


These people are really cool to hang out with...

No, they're actually annoying because you have to deal with vulgar or inappropriate speaking often when it's unnecessary, but I'm not here to judge...


...generally and all but its just that one part of it that annoys me, when they talk like that to their own friends. So how do you guys deal with this?

pria bis sicut


Like me... my whole life iv been putting different masks on. If i hang out with this group, I defend my self, give come backs and "dis" them back. And after the dissing introductions. Its all coo from their. Then when im with my other group of friends. I put on my other mask. "hi, how are you" hows it goin. Instead of sup bitch, "where da F*uk u been? etc"

This is why you should maintain your stature rather than conform to those around you. Being a non-conformist isn't a bad thing.


I found that this type of culture has increased so much espcially in young people that its almost become human nature to "dis" pick on people and make them feel bad naturally.

Quite frankly, I feel that everyone should read Debrett's New Guide to Etiquette and Modern Manners (http://books.google.com/books?id=TGrMbA4oah0C&printsec=frontcover). Then again, I also believe that there's a time and place for just about everything.


So if you guys get what im talking about. What are some ways you guys deal with it? Or do you deal with it? Or just ignore them? Dont have people or friends like that?

Sadly most of my coworkers have a weird mixture between business and urban manners. That means when they're in front of a group of people, they act proper, but behind doors they fall into what you described. I've dealt with it using the techniques described above, and it doesn't necessarily stop their antics, but it does sedate them a bit as they come to realize that you subliminally are saying "I don't like what you're saying" to them. All in all, it depends on the person and how embedded the manners are into their character. If you're lucky, they may stop with these simple steps.

I don't have time for egotistical people.

That said, egotism and mannerism are separable, but few are able to discern it. It is possible to be crude and loving, classy and hateful.

It is possible to be crude and loving, classy and hateful.

Very true! My friend is the former while I am the latter XD

Egotistical people deserve to be put in their place. I just shrug them off and sometimes throw in a well placed comeback (like M's) and walk off with a sense of accomplishment XD

*puts a mask on*


greeting:"sup bitch"

counter: "sup fag"

thats how you handle it. its just the way spoken language is. if such vulgarism makes you uncomfortable you're too bourgeois

*puts a mask on*


greeting:"sup bitch"

counter: "sup fag"

thats how you handle it. its just the way spoken language is. if such vulgarism makes you uncomfortable you're too bourgeois

So your saying middle class and higher are the only people that feel uncomfortable with vulgarism? Or that lower class people have this built in function in them that allows them to be comfortable with speaking vulgarly too?

I would have to highly disagree on that since I know its not true. Just because society portrays that higher class people may have better manners and lower class are the scum, it doesnt mean their ALL like that. Infact I know tons of lower class people who are from the ghettos and they are so much nicer have more manners them some rich D**ks i live next to.

Im pretty sure any normal person would rather receive a whats up dawg or "yo" better than sup fag, and hey bitch. If you actually enjoy that then you may be one of the people i refer to in my original post.

Dont get me wrong, im well aware of the many ways friends these days greet each other. After the sup bitch sup fag , its hang time and your all cool with that. And thats fine, If the both of you are truly ok with that. I just wonder how they became that way, did someone say sup bitch to one of them first? thats its cool to dis people in a greeting between friends?

I mean unless u dont know what bitch or fag is, Even with the coolest buddies i would have more resepct then to greet with a dis regularly. (and usualy these type of people dont just end with the greeting, they criticize normally throughout conversation as well) So if your one of those people, why do you do that? Do you just follow what someone did to you? Or do you just do that to peopel cuz u think its cooL?



@HopelessComposer
Yea, i feel ya. As guy yourself you understand lol. I think a couple of people who replied are girls so they have some different povs. Which im also interested in. Are girls the same way, does sup bitch seem nasty to them? and how they respond etc.

@M
Thanks, I have tried alot of the things you posted in the past. I just found it easier to play the mask game back then. I made the mistake of having a friend back then (in jr high) who i let say those things to me and being ok with it. (currently in university now) I dont make the same mistake and choose my friends wisely.

@zero
Sometimes egotistical people cannot be avoided so time is made for them or in my case, they make time for me ( a boss) :P

@ChristopherArmalite
haha right on man. I totally love it when egotistical people are put in their place. They think there so right all the time and there so critical on whatever it is their talking about and then.... When "that" moment comes, when someone or a group of people prove them wrong. BAM, the kodak moment. The look on there face is priceless.

@ChristopherArmalite
haha right on man. I totally love it when egotistical people are put in their place. They think there so right all the time and there so critical on whatever it is their talking about and then.... When "that" moment comes, when someone or a group of people prove them wrong. BAM, the kodak moment. The look on there face is priceless.

I take pleasure in making sure the kodak moments happen. The priceless expressions are forever engraved in my mind when it happens :D

One word.

'Diss'

:lol2:

my comeback for fag is "wtf you're calling me a cigarette?... you're a cigarette!"

has anyone come across the term "esprit d'escalier"? its the French saying for when you think of the perfect comeback when the moment has passed.

i get that ALL the time ¬¬

So your saying middle class and higher are the only people that feel uncomfortable with vulgarism? Or that lower class people have this built in function in them that allows them to be comfortable with speaking vulgarly too?

I would have to highly disagree on that since I know its not true. Just because society portrays that higher class people may have better manners and lower class are the scum, it doesnt mean their ALL like that. Infact I know tons of lower class people who are from the ghettos and they are so much nicer have more manners them some rich D**ks i live next to.

Im pretty sure any normal person would rather receive a whats up dawg or "yo" better than sup fag, and hey bitch. If you actually enjoy that then you may be one of the people i refer to in my original post.

Dont get me wrong, im well aware of the many ways friends these days greet each other. After the sup bitch sup fag , its hang time and your all cool with that. And thats fine, If the both of you are truly ok with that. I just wonder how they became that way, did someone say sup bitch to one of them first? thats its cool to dis people in a greeting between friends?

I mean unless u dont know what bitch or fag is, Even with the coolest buddies i would have more resepct then to greet with a dis regularly. (and usualy these type of people dont just end with the greeting, they criticize normally throughout conversation as well) So if your one of those people, why do you do that? Do you just follow what someone did to you? Or do you just do that to peopel cuz u think its cooL?




See? you lash out at comments that are even the slightest blunt because its not pretty and it doesn't have unicorns farting out rainbows. That's bourgeois sentimentality, not just in the sense of being upper class.

Once again, let me emphasize. it's the just the way spoken language is.

People of different age group, social class, culture etcetc have different set of mannerisms to it.

Would you rather have your friends greet you like geeks and I dunno.. say "Greetings stranger, we come in pieces take us to your leader, haha"

You wouldn't expect the judge in a courtroom to say "sup my homies dis be da judge in da house"

Same thing.

There are too many things throughout history that has shaped and influenced how people communicate verbally. People tend to like the positive side of greetings and communication more.

See? you lash out at comments that are even the slightest blunt because its not pretty and it doesn't have unicorns farting out rainbows. That's bourgeois sentimentality, not just in the sense of being upper class.

Once again, let me emphasize. it's the just the way spoken language is.

People of different age group, social class, culture etcetc have different set of mannerisms to it.



no, I just dont agree that how you think "its just how the language is spoken". Everyone has a choice to speak and greet how they want. There is no law that says this is how the language is spoken. And jus cuz your homies with your new buddy now, greeting them negatively doesn't make you any closer. I mean its like...
*ooo we best buddies now we can call each other whatever the f**K we want. NO HARD FEELINGS THOUGH OK? D**M@$$?*

The problem lies when the people who are comfortable with being greeting dissingly to (so it seems you are?) start doing it to those who are not comfortable with it.

But its kinda funny cuz, usually people only greet friends like that :P You dont see people goin up to random strangers and goin sup bitch.


Would you rather have your friends greet you like geeks and I dunno.. say "Greetings stranger, we come in pieces take us to your leader, haha"

sure, if i was a geek :lol:

But with my buddies we usualy go:
HEY hows it goin man!
Whats up!
hi, hi


You wouldn't expect the judge in a courtroom to say "sup my homies dis be da judge in da house"

of course not, they would greet you in a "nice" "professional" manner, how "normal nice" people greet. It all depends on the appropriateness, If you greet a judge saying hi, why would you greet your friend with hey $hithead? Just cuz your closer now its ok to dis one another? Whether playing around or jokingly in general if your nice about it no one will feel bad. For most people, they dont care how anyone else feels so they go on with their own ways. Or theres people that really are that dumb and you go pickin on them.

Heres just a question for everyone. Who here would be OK with being greeted with "SUP BITCH" by there friends? Who here is comfortable with that?

Cuz i mean ultimately in the end its just between you and friends,and what your comfortable with. Thats where all the action happens (rarely between strangers you first meet)

I just dont see the need for any harsh words between friends, but thats just me. Im well aware of the many types of people out there who everyword they say is vulgar. And thats how they talk to everyone, and the people around them are 100% ok with that.

*Their.

If my 'friends' spoke to me in a derogatory manner i would question whether or not they were my friends.

Or quit moaning. And tell them you dont like it. True friends would stop if it really did bother you -that- much.

you people talk a lot! lol

"Silence is golden."
But a bunch of silent guys such as myself is dull - unless your watching a film.

You just gota know how to pick your friends. If they really talk like that and trust me probably 75% of the world talk shit ALL THE TIME. You Cant stop them, and you CANT CHANGE THEM!!! just look at this guy for example

http://tw.youtube.com/watch?v=W2PqCl3y4n8

Titled: "youtube new policy sucks"

The guy says fuck like ever 5 words. You can tell its in his life to speak like that. Its true your gonna hear profanity and cussing everywhere. all the kids at school, the co-workers after work. The boss. But thankfully you dont have to be there true friend, cuz if u hang with these guys either there gonna effect you or to fit in your gonna have to cuss.

wow, reading all of this about making friends and knowing who they are is giving off a rising urge to break out into a Disney song that expresses my feelings :O

anywho, you say that you have to put different masks on for different people, I think you should wear the mask that suits best with other friends. I hang out with two different groups that are almost contrast and I get the vibe with other people or individuals "we dont/do accept swearing" and try to fit in, but not to the point where every sentence includes "fck" or so on.

Maybe just dont swear as much as your friend does or just look uninterested when he goes "sup bitch" and give a "I dont really care" impression or answer, might let his ego go down. :\

You really shouldn't have to put up a facade when you're with your "friends", they should be people that except your true self. Puting up a facade all the time can be really bad for your mental health( watch/read Kare Kano or Shugo Chara and you'll see what I mean ). Really the only time they should be used are for job interviews and such.
Normally, when I deal with people like that I try to just tune them out,or if I don't like what they're saying to me I do either of the fallowing;1. I just give them the most sinister glare I can, along with a lity bity threatening joke( usually works for some reason, reactions are priceless ).
2. When they have something exciting or cool to tell me, I act aloof and indifferent (their reactions are really funny) .
3. Light and playful slapstick comedy( example tying friends shoelaces together, tripping them when they are running, or thowing a pie at them if said pie is on hand ^.^) .

haha, for me...i usually accept JOKES as an insult depends on the person, if your not my friend and i have no idea who you are...then im gonna take offense to that 'cause i want to HAHA...but if i like you and all, then it would be kewl ^_^ as long as they dont cuss at me and all that stuff but i perfer to hang out w/ people who doesnt swear 'cause i dont swear and i perfer not swearing, hehe ^_^

but really, it just depends on YOU and your likings -_-


you people talk a lot! lol

hehee so do you "STEELE" hehe!

Hmm...Well I wouldn't cuss back at them first of all, because if they are a person as you mentioned one who is "really offensive" they might take it seriously. Also I don't think I would have responded. Reasonably I would probably have ignored the situation because well if they are a quickly tempered person I wouldn't want to deal with that. So if I were in a position like that I would deffinitely not reply...If you are one who has to reply back every time you are addressed than I would suggest saying something kind back. Well you see if you do say something kind, they'll either leave you alone and know you don't really care for their deficient remarks or they might go on in teasing you. But if it were I, I would have to say I would walk away. The problem isn't that big of a matter and a waste of time. Lets say it's a co-worker and someone you encounter everyday...then it would be a little more difficult in ignoring them since you see them all the time; I would probably consult the person. But it is more easy said then done...If you really want the situation to end then you probably should at least try and talk to the person.

As for choosing who your friends are, and having to put on different masks for different friends...you might want to be more careful in choosing friends. Something that probably everyone says, "real friends except the real you."

Good luck though. Hope your problems get solved.

Well...in this kind of situation I would just continue being a nice person (if you don't like using vulgar language then don't you use it.), also I think you should tell your friends how you feel. Eventually they will see that the name calling really hurts you, and they will try their best to change their bad habits, well if they do value you and their friendship. Otherwise if they don't and continue to do the same, its best if you move on and just ignore them until they change. (Since you can't change people they can only change themselves...)

PS- One more thing its okay to be yourself. If you have to change your persona, for other people to like you, then your just lying to yourself and to your "friends". Even if they don't want to be friends with you anymore, you could always make more. (There are many people out there that share the same views as you do.)

lol wow.....

F*ck 'em.

If you are not really being yourself (or true to yourself) and not liking how they act, sarcastic or not, they stop hanging out with them. No one deserves to hang with people that they can't choose them self. And your young, in high school, just stop hanging around with them.. and they can't be THAT cool if you're uncomfortable.

If they're someone you know and can joke with, I usually insert a face joke, i.e.

1: Man, your a nerd
2: YEAH? YOUR FACE IS A NERD!
1: What?
2: Your a face.

That's usually throws them off. Totally. If it's someone you don't know, I usually give them a quizzical look. They usually realise how stupid they've been and leave immediately. You have to remember that you can't return a response to everyone the same way. Everyone is different and affected differently.

If they're smaller than me, ill slap them around a bit

I just make fun of them in a different language. That, and I really don't have friends that do that only because I don't tolerate that kind of crap from people.

I have a few friends who are like that but I pretend to not pay much attention and when they refer to me as fag, bitch, or girl (I'm an average built guy), I simply act like they're talking to someone else and tell them there's no one here with that description, except unless there's a girl then I might point them to her.

Of course they try to make themselves seem better by saying I'm stupid and that they were talking about me. All I do is say,"Good for you (but what have you accomplished)." By implying the last part, it makes them realize how dumb they seem. It usually makes them reconsider calling me a name when we talk.

P.S. I also think the gender is very important on whomever is replying. As I spoke above for myself as a guy, im sure a girl would have different view opinions, thoughts and povs about what iv said above and how they deal with it. Its just not manly for most guys to deal with problems in ways that girls do.


I dont think its not manly for guys to deal like girls do. (: (should be cool tho.) Choose your friends. They cant choose you. When someone insults me, i'll just laugh it off. It depends on which type of friends you are with. Just insult them by saying something stupid or etc. and they'll laugh with you. lol. Some people are jsut to immature. ): Sad case. You dont have to always insult them back. :heh:




For me... my whole life iv been putting different masks on. If i hang out with this group, I defend my self, give come backs and "dis" them back. And after the dissing introductions. Its all coo from their. Then when im with my other group of friends. I put on my other mask. "hi, how are you" hows it goin. Instead of sup bitch, "where da F*uk u been? etc"


i do put on different masks. but it depends on which friends im with. if theyre the true friends i'll just be myself. In my case, i hang out with guys more than girls. lol. not a tomboy eh. ;) Some guys and girls just like the dis and insult alot. Why so? Is it that cool? I've been with different type people. Just know how to take care of yourself. Dont let your 'friends' pull you down. (:


Good luck! :D

*Their.

If my 'friends' spoke to me in a derogatory manner i would question whether or not they were my friends.

Or quit moaning. And tell them you dont like it. True friends would stop if it really did bother you -that- much.

Gekkeiju has a point true friends would stop saying things like that if it really upset you but there are also those times where their is one person who is a jerk and fight with so it's sometimes good to have a comeback when they insult you so you don't look like an idiot

WTF
(this page works on school computers when there is swearing lol)