So yeah, I'm back from my 25 month hiatus. I'm currently working on getting some of the things I wrote over that time onto paper so I can post it up here, but for now I'll just post this thing that I'd forgotten I wrote. It's called Double Portrait, and it's inspired by the attached painting.

Tell me what you think!

*Comment later*

OMG ALFONSO! What brings you back here? The last time I remember you here you said you were going through some crazy moving, if I remember correctly? And I don't know if you were here that far back, but this is Maestro (had a name change quite some time ago).

25 months? :eek: That's a long time.

Anyway, badass song! It totally fits the painting, but it also sounds like something I would hear in a video game. :P

Hey Alfonso, welcome back! :wave: I returned from my 15-month hiatus about a month ago. :)

You built the piece up pretty well, I love how you snuck in the bassoon. Good build-up of the strings. I feel that the strings cut off too abruptly at ~1:29. At the part that starts ~2:13, I feel that there's something missing. It might need more accompaniment? Unless you intend this piece to be incidental. Nice wrap-up.

Wow blast from the past! An old member with the worst avatar I've ever seen! Welcome back Alfonso, it's been a while.

To be honest this piece up until the 00:50 mark is quite brilliant, and as zippy mentioned it does match that creepy painting. The following parts though felt like a TV show which has surpassed its peak, only to release new seasons to keep money rolling in.

I agree most with Noir7. Your post made me laugh out loud. That's how I felt when I was writing it--It has such a great opening, but I just couldn't think of any really good ways to keep it going, so I just slopped down some trash.

THIS, however, is different. It's a fantasy for piano that I wrote exclusively on pianos in Toronto. I changed a few parts of it as I was putting it on paper. Tell me what you think.

I would REALLY like someone to record it as well, if anybody likes it. The midi doesn't do it justice (especially on the last few measures), but I'm a crappy pianist (as you can tell by the score), my piano's out of tune, and I don't have any recording materials. So I'll post the PDF for any lovely soul out there that would like to record it. It's easier than it sounds.

This piece deserves a little more attention that it has gotten. I'm not one for long reviews, so here goes: I like the backbone of this piece (the Dun--Duun-duun dun, you know? It sounds like "Stories" from Code Geass; youtube-it). Not tooooo sure about calling it a fantasy, although that's a pretty dumb thing to criticize if you think about what "fantasy" actually means so... ignore that. Following the music while reading the sheets was to me sort of like a musical adventure. I do wish that the pounding Code-Geass chords and the other parts would've been woven together somewhat better though; I imagine this song as a long thread of of different colours, switching color everytime the composition enters a new section. My wish is to make this song keep that "thready" sense, and although the colours should still vary -- their changing should be interwoven somehow so that you really don't notice the thread changing colour.

Bloody good work, this. It just needs a good deal of dusting!

Yeah, I was kind of disappointed by how it was ignored as well. I honestly think it's my best piano piece to date. I agree that the transitions are rocky. I was just never good at transitions. Anybody know a good source that teaches transition writing?

Study Tchaikovsky; you know that he's the best bridge builder. XD

Uhm, I do like this piece, but I feel that it's a little below your level, that's why I didn't comment on it before (and, yes, the MIDI doesn't do it justice; it's one of those piece that can have the excuse.) I wish I did have a recorder, or just a better mic-program to record, because I would in an INSTANT.

I'll edit this post later, but I must say my favourite part is at 55 when you have the intertwining parts with the hands. And my lest favourite would be a toss up between 45; it just seems like a bunch of out-of-time scales and chords (I used to do that A LOT in my older pieces, one which was performed publically) and this kind of continues until 54. And I would just take out the accel in the parts at 20, 25, etc.

More later.

EDIT:

Alright, so the climax in 50 isn't something I'm too fond of either. It just seems like a lot of uncreative chords to build up using only dynamics and not *substancial* any musical drama.

Basically, you already hit the nail on the head of what you need to do. You have kind of a nice form and the main theme comes back appropriately, with dynamic variation. Maybe it's because the piano part isn't very challenging or interesting (but you already admitted you aren't much of a pianist yourself) that it doesn't add interest to me. Being a pianist, I could tell you all the possibilities of how you could use that simple theme, but make it a little bit more pianistic, other than adding octaves and a bunch of hand-over-hand runs up and down the piano. Experiment with melody a little bit more, and add more chords with those octaves-- maybe some suspensions might make it a tad more interesting?

But as you and Noir got to already, it's the transitions which are the weigh on the piece. I wasn't kidding when I said Tchaikovsky. In A LOT of his pieces you can find example of great transitions and bridges. One of my favourites is the third movement of the Piano Concerto No. 1 in Bb minor; it's famous, you probably know it. The part I am talking about consists of near the end; the orchestra does a bunch of chord building up, and the woodwinds keep playing the theme over in a climatic way; the piano, at the end of the first part of the climax, comes in with these cadanza-like octaves all of the piano, which ends with octaves and chords REALLY high and ritarandos then stops-- at that point Tchaikovsky juiced all of the thematic material and virtuosity out in about 30 seconds or so, and then he bursts out this HUGE theme which is the final melody you hear and ends! I'm sure you'll get a lot just from analyzing that last movement, there's a lot of transitions he uses effectively.

I say, my good friend, that this piece has the most potential I've seen from ANYONE on this forum in quite a bit. It's all there, you just have to figure out how to work with it, and I'm sure you and some others know what I mean. Keep these themes, as they're easy to work with. Good luck.

For some reason I could imagine the section from 2:20-2:30 as an organ piece. I think it reminded me of Bach's Toccata and Fugue in D Minor in a bunch of places, so that's probably why.

My favorite part has to be the part from 55 to 72 as well. I also like 28 to 35. I agree that it does need better transitions, as I'm not too fond of the fermatas. I would also take out the accels.

Measure 54 seems to come out of nowhere--Idk if that was intended, but I'd just fade out with a repeated G chord--maybe inverting along the way to the range of the next section. Also, the transition to section at 45 seems a bit jarring at first, Idk if that was intended as well.

One variation you could do of the repeating theme is have the left hand pound out chords below and above the right hand on alternating beats.

All in all, awesome piece.

Toronto Fantasy no. 1
This was pretty neat. After listening, I realized I had used the same progression in one of my recent compositions (the one in measures five and six). I really think, though, after measure 44 could use a little more work. I dig the whole thirty-second note part, but I think more could have been done to make it sound jaw dropping. And as mentioned, transitions could use some work.

Awesome work though. I remember you from a few years ago. Great to have you back!

I haven't been writing much lately, and I couldn't think of a way to improve the Toronto fantasy, but it's still on the back burner.

I did, however, just realize that I'm approaching my fifth year anniversary as a member of this most esteemed of forums, so I decided to write a piece in the attitude of self-celebration. It's going to be a full string quartet, and I just finished the first movement. Hopefully I can have it all done by the actual date!

Alfonso!　

yes? I hope that's not an exclimation of disguist....

No no, not at all ^^; It's just that I still can't get a grip on your strange avatar. I'm not sure if it freaks me out slightly or if... crap, my throat is exposed! It can FEEL my fear!!

Okay! I crancked this bad boy out in less than 24 hours! It's the second movement to the string quartet.

Comments are, of course, welcome. That's why we belong to forums, right?

Hey, not bad for have done it in less of 24 hours! Do you mean that in 1 day? or various hours in different days?

I am fond with it, and it entertain my mind. I found it a little bit short but for a slow movement like this I think that is fine; it won't drag on and turn like "dull". Well done! I am looking forward for the third movement.

Oh yes, I think you should turn up the volumes. You can use audacity for that.

I started it Sunday night and finished it Monday morning, with lots of sleep in between. So it was actually a good deal less than 24 hours.

I agree with you that it's probably a touch too short. I'm just not a Dvorak yet, hahaha! I don't think I can sustain a slow movement for seven minutes like he does.

I haven't been writing much lately, and I couldn't think of a way to improve the Toronto fantasy, but it's still on the back burner.

I did, however, just realize that I'm approaching my fifth year anniversary as a member of this most esteemed of forums, so I decided to write a piece in the attitude of self-celebration. It's going to be a full string quartet, and I just finished the first movement. Hopefully I can have it all done by the actual date!

I really liked the opening. The chords make a very nice opening mood. I love how you used the motif on the violin in the second (main) part and then messed around with it, but not enough to ruin its memorable factor. I also liked the slow section because it brings the listener down before you return to the opening section again, which it great!!!!

The only thing I would of had it the cello playing a D in the end chord with the pizz. I think it is a good decision to not have an A note. I don't think it would sound as fitting then. But I think the cello should get a final note as well haha!

This has been my first critique ever...so..er.....hmm.....yea. :P

Well done!

It's not a bad review, for your first time. I obviously don't have much to complain about since it was pretty much all positive. :D

By the way, how do you like my Avatar NOW, Noir7? Say hello to the real Alfonso el Sabio, king of Spain!

Wow you switched! Well, the creepy minion-ish avatar is surely gone, but... now it's just not the same anymore =( I know I've given you a handful about the last one, but it kind of defined you as 'you' for me. Since I don't know what you look like I always imagined you as that... thing you used to bear as an avatar. The current one just isn't Alfonso de Sabio. Well, in actuality it is, but I didn't even know there was a king of Spain with that name, or that you drew the name from there. I always figured it was either you real name or some nickname you had conjured up. I think it would be best for my well-being that you switched back. I kind of feel that the king picture you have now is an impostor, only pretending to be Alfonso de Sabio but actually being someone entirely else. It's like when Al changed his avatar from the Love-Hina guy which he had had for YEARS into something else. His spirit kind of withered away, and then he actually died. (Well, technically he just left the forums). The bottom line is, if you keep this king of Spain-avatar you will regret it in the long run.

Something to think about.

Everyone KNOWS Alfonso's REAL name is Wesley, don't they? Mwahahahaha...

Although quite recently it would have been Elder, instead... :P

I agree about the avatar; the smaller one defined you. I don't think I'll ever get sick of my avatar and sig.

Edit: I accidentally edited the wrong post when I commented on your song. So sorry! Anyways, maybe I heard wrong, but the fact is that to me it still feels too heavy. I'm not sure how to explain it. Did you double the fifth or the third, but not the tonic?

The tonic is doubled twice. I think it's just so top-heavy because of the contrast to what was just played with the cello, and the fact that the pizz. had been in a really low range for the whole rest of the song. Because it's the first movement, I wanted it to leave you wanting more, which is why I just had the 1st and 2nd violins play the last chord. I'll consider a revision.

OK, fair enough. I just wanted to make sure that was the sound you wanted.

Edit: Actually, I think the "problem" (maybe only in my ear) is the fifth of the chord being played by the cello and doubled by viola. Maybe try taking the cello note out so that the cello is just playing the tonic, if you decide to try to revise it.

Your string quartet is driving me insane. I keep waiting for a 7th resolution but it always just hangs on the dominant. specially the parts like 0:37. I keep wanting to hear the F# but you leave it on the D. AHHHH!!!! I think there were some harmonic problem in functionality but I'm pretty sure this was because you wanted to keep the melody. Good job.

PS: I'm guessing that this was in Gmaj...if not, just replace the D and F# with the corresponding dominant and 7th lol.

Your new composition isn't exactly something to brag about, but at least your avatar is back to normal! Now I finally feel that I'm speaking to "you" again! ^^;

Okay, here's the third movement of my phenomenaly popular string quartet [/sarcasm]. It's a waltz, and it's more old-school than my other two movements. I wanted it to feel like the kind of waltz you would do in a garden in Salzburg or Vienna. As always, hit me with your comments!

Well, since I'm around anyways, I guess I'll comment a bit on your string quartet:

Ah yes! Good ol' string quartets! String quartets aren't merely little chamber works that composers wrote out of the blue. They are works reflective of a composer's ability to write music. Unlike orchestral music, in string quartets, a composer cannot hide their weaknesses through means of dynamics and the ability of the conductor. Nor are quartets like piano solos, where the solo performer is free to interpret and at times even to change things on their own. Furthermore, having all four instruments being rather similar in tone colour, it presents a challenge for the composer to write creatively and colourfully... but anyways, I digress, my introduction is getting too long.

---

Movement I - Moderato espressivo

Make a statement in the beginning. The chords in the opening are nice, but it felt like a prelude to 'yet another' one of those classical pieces where you fall asleep. The repetitive pizzicato notes in the lower strings are also quite square--almost tedious. The rhythm is just too straight. Audience tunes out of it after a while. Change it to something even more driving. Besides, have you ever thought how boring it would be for the cellist to do it for so many times...? D:

The piece went on and on and on... Then it suddenly stopped. I thought something stronger was going to happen, but nope, it became even slower. You can argue it serves as an anticlimax, but nothing really built up.

First movements of string quartets--in fact, anything, should stand out. After all, it's the first thing performers hear. You want to get their attention, not sleep through the rest of the piece. An average human has what? Seven seconds of attention span? (Correct me if I'm wrong) So these seven seconds are absolutely vital to your entire piece.

Movement II - Adagietto

I thought the first movement was pretty slow already, and now it's even slower. Contrast is the key to pieces with more than one section.

The ideas of this movement are nice, but it meanders everywhere. As an audience, I don't know what to cling on to. Make your ideas obvious, but not necessarily repetitive.

After hearing the first two movements, I feel that the cellist doesn't really have anything to show off with. I would suggest giving more solos to cello. High violins are scratchy and annoying after a while. Lower strings are usually under appreciated and they actually could do a lot of expressive and amazing things. So consider using more solo lower strings.

Movement III - Allegro Waltz

A lot of people writing waltzes fall into the same trap you fall into: repetitive 'oom-cha-cha' rhythm. Add some dotted quarters here and there to add interest. Waltzes are dances for people, not robots. Let the rhythms be expressive for you in this case.

I see that you have solo cello in this movement, which is good. However, I also noticed that you could use some more interesting doublings... I hear a lot of first and second violins together, how about some viola and violin 2 or three octaves apart?

The last cadence could also use some work; it's too... predictable.

---

Overall:

Well, to be honest, it's quite a mediocre piece. You have some interesting ideas, but they could have been more developed. Furthermore, you could also use some sort of form. Multi-movement works aren't written for the heck of it. Movement I must somehow relate to movement III. If they're not related, it should then be three pieces! A favourite device of composers in writing multi-movement works is retrograding/inverting/retrograde-inverting the original materials (the themes you started working with) and then using them as materials for latter movements.

Colour is also something that could be improved upon. You used the typical arco and pizz.es, but there are so much more you can do with strings! Glissandos would work very well with your third movement, since dancers kind of 'glide' through the ballroom or whatever. Be creative.

Well, I think that's all for now.

Movement 3 reminds me of clocks. I'm not sure if that is good or bad though.. I'm not sure what else to say though. It reminds me of a room full of clicking clocks. :think: Maybe in the middle you could have something different? I'm not sure how many people like nearly 4 mins of thinking of clocks.. I like it though, reminds me of clocks hehe. See how Mvt. III is affecting me!?

Kevin, your comment has something that makes me smile. Maybe too much clock. I still have no had the chance to listen to the piece. But I hope tomorrow or in a few days I will take the chance to listen to it.

So, I cranked out the last movement for the string quartet. I applied pretty much every ounce of Sirdotdotdot's advice, and I have to say, I think it's the best movement yet.

I plan on editing the first three movements, so feel free to give suggestions for that. Also, obviously I'm welcoming critiques for movement four.

Also, just a random question: when you listen to it in iTunes, can you see the album art?

I can see the artwork.

The feel is pretty different from the other movements to me. The part at 2:27 really bugs me for some reason (it just seems random and jarring), but the part I do like about it is the jump down to the low register following it. Honestly, I don't love the transition between the second half of the main part (the more chord-driven section of the theme), because the chord progressions just doesn't fit together to me; it seems a little barbaric as compared to the melody of the first half of the theme. Maybe if you toned down the dynamics/accents in that part of the theme it would make it less jarring. Am I making sense?

Also, I don't like the ending; I think you could end it at :24 and it would work a lot better.

On the positive side, I LOVE the main melody and the sort of Celtic feel it has. Furthermore, the imitative section about 2/3 of the way through the piece was very well done; it actually reminded me of one of the movements of my String Quartet, but Sir_Dotdotdot might say that's more of an insult than a compliment... :( Most of the stuff I said is personal taste and opinion rather than concrete criticism of your compositional technique.

I also like the main melody. In special with these pizzicatos behind it. It complement the melody very well.

I think between 3:15 and 3:19 you need a short passage or something that can connect the two theme. Because it feels abrupt when the main theme enter again; it feels totally disconnected from the previous section, making not much coherence to me.

One more for the main theme - really upbeat and catchy stuff :P.

The sections interspersed in between comes off as kind of awkward to me, mostly because of the change in the rhythm completely kills off the momentum I've gotten from the main theme. It's certainly produces a dramatic effect, but doing it every section gets to be annoying if there's no programmatic reason behind it, especially given their length. The part at about 2:17 sounds ok to me since the underlying rhythm is still somewhat preserved, but the section near 0:40 sounds really awkward with those pauses so soon in the piece. And the ending just made me huh? Overall, it almost gave me the impression of the sections being Frankensteined together hehe (though I've not heard the other movements yet).

I'd say its's probably good idea to focus on the the main section some more - which while pretty neat, doesn't seem to develop that much (at least in the immediate sense). You don't need to be so adventurous with the texture as it's got a good flow already. Overall, it's quite an interesting piece, but at the same time rather awkward sounding to me.

Also, this one is more of an technical thing, but the volume was really low from your file. Probably would be a good idea to normalize the levels (with audacity or a similar audio editing tool).

Oh, BTW, I meant 4:03, not :24 (I was looking at the wrong side :P )

Honestly, I don't love the transition between the second half of the main part (the more chord-driven section of the theme), because the chord progressions just doesn't fit together to me; it seems a little barbaric as compared to the melody of the first half of the theme. Maybe if you toned down the dynamics/accents in that part of the theme it would make it less jarring. Am I making sense?


I'm not sure which part that is. What's the counter time? That is a really cool idea for how to end it, by the way. I think that's what I'm gonna do.

@all
Yeah, the piece turned out to be more jarring than I wanted. Transitions are by far my weakest point as a composer. Are there any good books on it?

Haha, well it just sounded natural. Anyway, the first iteration of what I was talking about starts at :13.

Very interesting. To me, it sounds likes it's calling for a more grans arrangement like for a full orchestra. From the recording, it sounds like you were trying to convey many different elements, but there wasn't enough instruments to give the full effect. Yeah, it's supposed to be for a quartet. :heh: Other than that I thought it sounded great!

So I've been a member of Ichigo's for five years now. As a tribute to the all the help I've gotten from this illustrious community, I've decided to post one of my very first compositions to illustrate the influence y'all have had on me. It was the first piece I ever submitted for the competitions, and I was shocked that no one liked it.:heh: So beginning composers: compare this piece of crap to the last movement of my string quartet (http://forums.ichigos.com/showpost.php?p=426018&postcount=32) (the last piece I've written). It's not perfect, but it shows a LOT of progress.

Thanks, Ichigo's!

Well done on your progress! I can hear it hehe. Congratulations! It will be great to see you just 2 years from now hehe. Seeing how far you go from here! :)

BBBBBBUUUUUUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT. I wouldn't call your first composition a "piece of crap". That's being mean to yourself. It's not as advanced, but I don't think it's near the title of "piece of crap" haha. Give your 5 year younger self more credit!!

So I've been a member of Ichigo's for five years now. As a tribute to the all the help I've gotten from this illustrious community, I've decided to post one of my very first compositions to illustrate the influence y'all have had on me. It was the first piece I ever submitted for the competitions, and I was shocked that no one liked it.:heh: So beginning composers: compare this piece of crap to the last movement of my string quartet (http://forums.ichigos.com/showpost.php?p=426018&postcount=32) (the last piece I've written). It's not perfect, but it shows a LOT of progress.

Thanks, Ichigo's!

Interesting piece - it was actually pretty enjoyable at parts, especially the imitation you got going on in the strings. The extended 'solo' sections felt kind of awkward, but otherwise it's pretty solid for an early piece.

String Quartet - Movement IV

Good job with the opening! It's now colourful, vibrant, and attention capturing. Though, I would say that the accompanying parts could do more than merely single notes, try different rhythmic patterns. For the slower solo part, try to use less repetition. If you insist, try to move things, say, a semitone higher, and then back down. Keeping interest and consistency at the same time in slow parts is not easy, but explore around a bit, you'll figure something out.

I think you used ABA form for this movement right? In that case, every time you repeat something, make it different. Like in real life, you won't say the same thing the same thing twice the same way. Would you?

Well, I hear lots of improvement. Really awesome job! :)

You should check out Ravel's quartet, particularly the second movement because it's somewhat reminiscent of what you're doing:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vp58sIFaNKQ&feature=PlayList&p=24B237679F3B2E9D&playnext=1&playnext_from=PL&index=2

Like in real life, you won't say the same thing the same thing twice the same way. Would you?

Haha, did you do that on purpose?

Yes. :P

Darn. XD

***BUMP***

So, I've been gone a while. Working on my Linguistics and German degrees and all that. But for this one lit. class I've been taking, we had to do some creative assignments based on the texts we read. Here are some of the pieces:

From Das Gemeindekind:

"The Death of Milada"
In the story, Pavel (represented by the cello) is separated from his sister, Milada, who is off, living in a convent. She's just a little girl, and they over-work her, and give her these horrible guilt complexes, so she winds up dying very young. The piece is supposed to communicate at first the disorienting feeling of her death (after a solo cello intro), and then it gradually builds to an organ solo, where the grief is consummated, followed by a resolution of Milada's main theme on the cello, three octaves below where it originally started.

From Das Leben der Hochgräfin Gritta von Rattenzuhausbeiuns:

"The Theme of the High Count"
Okay, this book is a really bizarre post-industrial feminist fairy tale. Gritta is the protagonist, and her father, the count, is negligent, and spends all his time making these ridiculous machines. This piece is supposed sound mechanical (thus the extensive use of timpani) and a touch ridiculous.

"Butterfly Island"
One story within a story within a story within a story in this novel is when a group of sailors stumble upon an island of half-human/half-butterfly creatures. They're extraordinarily wealthy and mystical and all that. So I have a solo Shakuhachi playing to give it an exotic flavor over the regular strings orchestra.

Enjoy! Comments are always appreciated.

Hey :) Welcome back! Woa. Cool! German! haha. I listened to all your pieces.

Death of Milada - Interesting choice of instrumentation ^^ I have a few feelings though, but remember they're all just my opinion. I guess I sort of split up the piece into 3 bits. Beginning, Middle (Organ) and then that short end bit. They're all nice parts but they don't seem to connect to one another. It 1, pause, 2, pause, 3, end. Was it intentional? I liked it though!! It was engaging to listen too, that would probably be because of your good choices of harmony!

The Theme of the High Count - Haha! Nice conveying of mood! I think you did rely a liiiiiiiiitle too much on the same chord progression throughout the piece, there was a cool bit around two thirds in that seemed to break that, or at least move a way from Crochet = D A Bb G A F E A for most of the piece. It's cool though! :)

Butterfly Island - Really cool, have a potential problem. Shakuhachi's main register is based on a minor pentatonic, the regular size is 1.8 (fundamental of D). If you're asking to do things like whole-tone scales and play outside those regular boundaries, I'm not sure it's it's A) difficult, B) Impossible. I can't follow that up until my own Shakuhachi arrives in a few weeks (YEAH!) but I'm pretty sure about what I said. It's just something you should be aware of (if you are already, sorry for the explanation on what you know haha!), and maybe you might want to change it. It's all you're decision. :)

Well done! 3 enjoyable pieces!

I'll admit I didn't do extensive research on the Shakuhachi, but according to the source of all knowledge (Wikipedia), it looks like you can pretty much play anything withing its 2.5 octave range if you use the right technique. So my piece should be hard, but not impossible. Check out this (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=y1vW24fFeDM&feature=related)guy for a confirmation that it can easily extend beyond the pentatonic scale.

It would probably about the same as playing a whole tone scale on a recorder, wouldn't it, except with slightly different tuning? lol

Haha. It was awesome to watch. Yeah. He did extend past the pentatonic scale!! haha. Well yeah. As long as you know it's going to be really hard, all is well :)

Have you thought about if the timpani part has enough timpani to play the part? XD You know only one drum can play one note before you need to re-tune it to another note.

It seems like a lot, but it's only six drums. I did think about that. So it's two more than usual, but it's still really manageable. I was just listening to "Jauchzet frohlocket," and was amazed at how the timpani carried the main theme, so I decided to give it a shot.

I think it's funny how the majority of posts on these last few pieces have all been questioning the play-ability of the works.

So, I just finished this today. This is one of those pieces that I wrote maybe a page for three years ago and just decided to dig it up and finish it. It's Shakespeare's 27th sonnet set to music. I'm posting the pdf up so you can actually follow along with the words (which I highly recommend). Also, the line "Which like a jewel hung in ghastly night" is supposed to be sung like a priest's prayer during mass. You'll notice that that's the melody their prayers follow.

Since this is in no way a Renaissance-style piece, I went with the modern pronunciation of the words, which takes some lines out of iambic pentameter. Sue me.

Also, for some reason, Finale doesn't like to include the first note when I turn the MUS into an MP3, so it should play four half notes before the tenor comes in, but it doesn't.

Anyway, this is my first attempt at Lieder, so tell me what you think. Suggestions are always welcome. I especially want feedback on how to improve the section in between the opening theme and the triplet section.

Enjoy!

Oh, and here are the lyrics:

Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head,
To work my mind, when body's work's expired:
For then my thoughts, from far where I abide,
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see
Save that my soul's imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee and for myself no quiet find.

I think I like "Butterfly Island" the best because of the quirky Shakuhachi part; I think it turned out really nice. However, I felt the accompaniment could have created a better foil to the Shakuhachi part (as it is, it seems to be a somewhat asymmetrical butterfly if you know what I mean). As for the other two, I agree with Kevin in relation to the second, and to the first I saw the connection between parts, but didn't really like the voicing of the chords; it felt a little bottom heavy to me for some reason.

Edit: oh, let me listen to the new one...

That whole Finale thing happens to me sometimes, too, but only when I use NI VST with SoftSynth, so that's weird...

As to the piece itself, you should be more careful to indicate everything in the score (such as where you want the piano player to cross hands such as on page 2. Also, the first word doesn't look quite right; I am relatively sure it should be wea-ry. Maybe you should look into that.

Just out of curiousity, what voice part was this written for, and have you sung through it yourself? There are some issues I would have with the range depending on what your intention for that was. Also, I feel like you could find some more interesting turns to take with the harmony somehow, which might help your transitions.

I was thinking baritone/tenor. Towards the end there, it might go a touch low for some tenors. But it's not that bad. I did sing through it.

And yes, wea-ry does look better.

Yeah, I would say it works better for tenor, because otherwise much of the piece is going on in high part of the baritone tessitura, which isn't necessarily a pretty effect. On the other hand, a tenor might get bored depending on if they are a true tenor (who often have a range going up to C5 and beyond).

This is my new, better translation of "Lo, How a Rose 'Ere Blooming (Es ist ein Ros entsprungen)." I originally did this for organ, but but where we're performing this, there is no organ, so I re-arranged it for cello.

Enjoy.

That was beautiful hahah
But the choir sounded amazing, what program were you using?

I use Finale.

will u be adding text to the choir? Maybe its cause its pure white outside from the snow storm but it sounded christmassy to me lol. Especially the choir entrance at 3:00, I thought I saw the conductor raising his/her batton in a big church queing the choir to come in, in my mind :).Those moments of silence in the music, are those intentional or is it just the program cuts them off but really there would be an echo in the hall or something?

It probably sounds Christmas-y because it IS a Christmas carol, hahaha. It's a German one that doesn't get done in English too much because of a really lame translation, so I decided to take matters into my own hand and translate it myself (with an additional 3rd verse).

Those pauses would be in there during the performance, though I hope there would be something of an echo.

You should check out the lyrics in my pdf. Or I guess I could just post it here:

There was a Rose that flourished
in winter's harshest cold
which we in song have cherished
since men in days of old.
It in its budding brought
a sacred tender beauty
all holy men have sought.

That Rose which seraphs herald,
also Isaiah saw--
the babe which Mary cradled
Christ, that great God of all.
Though serpents bruised our heel
we find in him a ransom,
our hope, our joy and zeal.

Now we await his coming
as men in days of old,
and view his manger, longing
through winter's harshest cold.
But when Messiah comes
we shall be reunited
and with our God be one.

So, I have a friend who's a magician (I know, even though he's my friend I can't separate the idea from Gob Bluth), and he asked me to come up with some original music for one of his magic videos.

He said he wanted the opening to be able to loop and sound "fast, in a minor key, fun, a little bit spooky and really easy to play."

He gave me no instructions for what he wanted after that except that it should be five to ten minutes. Since that's a pretty big difference, I decided to do a minimalist piece of indefinite length. It's called "Smoke and Mirrors" because of the opening, and then the minimalist section is a mirror--half way through, the piece becomes a mirror image, and you play everything you've played backwards. Because I don't use conventional chord progressions, it sounds much better than you'd think.

Anyway, let's hear if it sounds "magical" enough for you/other general comments.

"Out of the Shadows," by the way, is the name of his show.

(Okay, I tried to upload the MP3, but it's too big, so I have to upload the MIDI/MUS file. Sorry. The MIDI does not want to process the damper pedal for some reason.)

Huh, well it sure sound peculiar. I like the idea behind the piece, but I think there are parts that you need to smooth out some more. I liked the intro bit, it doesn't really fit well with the rest of the piece, especially that's the only place you hear it explicitly.

The main thing are that sounds off to me though are the section transitions, some of which feel too jarring. This happens whenever there's too sudden a change in register for the piano voices, and also for those two arpeggiated chords that you stuck between some sections (they really do little to link the sections). Also, I found the majority of the 16th note sections kind of boring, due to the lack of pedal and dynamics all the while having a very slow harmonic rhythm (maybe it'd work if the piece was faster though, looks like it's only at 90bpm right now).

As for sounding magical, to me it feels a bit too bland, though parts like the section right before the triplets and triplet section sounds more interesting parts. You might want to add some use some more fanciful harmony to bring up that quotient.

I feel like you borrowed a little too much from Pachelbel in the beginning. As for the rest, I guess it's OK for what your patron suggested. However, I personally feel that your take on minimalism is a little boring. There are ways to use minimalism and still keep excitement in your piece (such as using a different system of tonality, using some interesting rhythmic phasing, using interesting dynamic variations, etc.).

Oh, I took it wholesale from Pachelbel. I just put it in a minor key. I figured it would loop well.

Lulz, I just realized that... I think it gets a bit too repetitive at like 0:30 or something though, maybe change the chords more often?

So, I got a new computer, lost my Finale Disc, and just got my new version a week ago yesterday.

This (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Wck-GZDJVrA) is what I've done with it.

Tell me what you think.

I like it, for the most part, although I think you could have experimented a bit more with the solo instruments and with using different modes/scales such as pentatonicism/octatonicism, both of which I find are effective in creating a mysterious feel. Also, I think there could have been a bit more reverb on the recording, but that's probably not important.

Were there any specific pieces you were drawing upon as inspiration?

There's just something very, very... unreachable about it. It kind of makes me feel the same way when I listen to a famous song backwards, and recognizing it yet not being able to identity it. It's kind of unnerving, and looking at it makes me wonder if you're some sort of secret genius or just happened to pick it up out of nowhere. It is gazing slightly to the left, yet somehow I feel that it has got my eyes locked. It's the kind of avatar that no one asks where it comes from, or why you've chosen it, but I just cannot get over it after all these years. I think you told me a long while back what it is, but I've already forgotten about it... perhaps because my mind can't shake off its initial reaction to it.

@Deathraider
I honestly can't think of any piece I was drawing on besides the Inferno itself. I'm playing Tchaikovsky's serenade for strings as well as Holst's St. Paul's Suite at the moment, so I may be mimicking some of their accompaniment strategies, but none that I can really discern.

@Noir7
I love how whenever I have a new composition up, it's just the same discussion about how royal my avatar is. Once again, thank you, and yes, you should be afraid of it.

For to be a piece of movements, this first movement feel like 3 in one. You instrument choice for characters did not feel very individual. At least the English Horn and Oboe.
But I enjoyed most of the parts of this piece. It feel from the old periods which I like. The only thing that I can say that I really did not like, was your introduction. After the second chord, I wanted to hear a different one, not to go back to the same. That frustrated me, lol.

That first piece, in relation to the attached picture, was brilliant. Nuff' said. The second piece, the one you called a Fantasy, was remarkable, in my opinion. After listening to it I really feel there is emotion involved with it. When the arpeggios came in roughly around the middle of the song, I got chills. But my opinion is biased because this is just the sort of music I lean towards. However, I don't think anyone would disagree that they're great pieces.

Here is movement #2. I am SO sorry about how cheesy the synth voice sounds, but there's just no way around it until I get an orchestra that wants to perform this sucker. (I know, fat chance.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CNfxqOPjDRs

I listened to the first mvt. of your Inferno cycle and I must say that I am impressed. You successfully paint a picture of the scene you want to depict in my head (something I struggle with as I tend to stray towards absolute music). I like to subtle use of the timpani in conjunction with the string tremolo. I will listen and review the other movement when I get the chance (damn college is eating up my time and I like to thoroughly listen to a piece before I review it). By the way, you said you use Finale. What version?

Since there is no sheet music, would you mind explaining some of the devices you are using to depict the story?

@umshfmodec
Thanks. I use Finale 2010 with the Garritan sound fonts.

@deathraider
I put "program notes" in the info section of the video.

1st mvt.:
Dante (the English horn) finds himself in the dark woods. He comes across a leopard (oboe), lion (bassoon) and she-wolf (clarinet). He turns away from the animals and finds Virgil, who will become his guide through the Inferno. He persuades Dante to make the descent into Hell.

2nd mvt.:
Dante and Virgil are now before the gates of hell. He reads the inscription on the gates:

Per me si va ne la città dolente,
Per me si va ne l'etterno dolore,
Per me si va tra la perduta gente.
(Sung by a solo Baritone)

English: THROUGH ME THE WAY INTO THE SUFFERING CITY
THROUGH ME THE WAY TO THE ETERNAL PAIN
THROUGH ME THE WAY THAT RUNS AMONG THE LOST

Dante considers the fate of damnation and salvation and tries to reconcile the two with God's justice. His thoughts turn briefly to Beatrice, but he is once again drawn to the gates before him.

Dinanzi a me non fuor cose create
se non etterne, e io etterno duro.
Lasciate ogne speranza, voi ch'intrate.
(Baritone solo)

English: BEFORE ME NOTHING BUT ETERNAL THINGS
WERE MADE, AND I ENDURE ETERNALLY
ABANDON EVERY HOPE, O YE WHO ENTER HERE!

The gong sounds three times, and the two enter into the Ante-Inferno where souls who chose neither good nor evil are eternally stung and bitten by insects.

----

Besides that, each movement's key starts a half step below the previous one, and since this is twelve movements, it'll wind up being in every key (most minor, but the next one at least will be major).

Anytime you have a duet between the English horn and the French horn, it's dialogue between Dante and Virgil.

Also, the themes I used in the first movement for lust, pride and envy will come back as prominent themes for those specific circles. Now I have nine circles (movements) left, plus a final movement titled "Dis and Beatrice" to wrap the whole thing up. I'm obviously not going to do a movement for each individual pouch in the later circles, because as it looks now, the piece is going to be well over an hour long, and its length would grow exponentially if I did that.

Did this satisfy your question?

Mostly. I think the ideas you have are really quite interesting, and are well executed! The only thing I'm still wondering about is whether there's any word painting or anything in the vocal line, since I can't really hear where the words fall on each syllable. I was also curious what exactly you did to demonstrate the duality between damnation and salvation.

How long did take you to finish this movement?

Always that I heard the synth voice, in my mind I wanted to hear a choir behind it to fulfill it. I like your idea of going half step down with each movement.

@deathraider
I mostly wanted it to feel kind of tense and torn, which is why the piece immediately changes to 5/4--I wanted it to kind of pull the listener along and never quite feel resolved. And then after that, there's the cello's triplet accompaniment that is initially hard to reconcile, until it BRIEFLY finds some resolution at the very end (that's Beatrice), and then it goes right back the Baritone reading off what's written on the gates.

@Nyu001
I hadn't really thought of making his part a full choral section, but I'll definitely consider it. My only deal with that is, I don't plan on using vocals in other movements, so I would feel guilty for making that many people show up just for a five minute performance.

This movement took me considerably longer than the first one, mostly because it has so many more notes (the first movement being much slower, but being about as long). I wrote it in like 3.5 weeks, whereas the first one took me maybe 2. I think it's the better of the two, though.

Oh, and going back to the whole, solo vs. choir thing, I think it will sound much more filled out once a real soloist is singing that thing. You really can't hear it in the video, but it's supposed to be a pretty booming solo all throughout. I just wish I had an orchestra at my disposal!

Okay, I finally got semi caught up with my school work which allowed me to finish the third movement of my Inferno Symphony.

Here it is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWhGs2LmhUY

I really like the cool sort of static atmosphere in dynamic/tempo you set up from beginning and like the way that interacts with the story. I almost wish you would use some minimalist techniques to bring this out a little more, but that's a matter of taste. I think you could give the chord progression at 1:30 a little bit more drive. It's a little bit hard to follow there. It almost starts sounding like a James Newton Howard progression for a minute, but then it veers off and does something else. Sometimes I'm less than impressed with his music, but I think you could use that sort of minimalist technique to your advantage. Out of curiosity, was that little bit starting at 1:50 a nod to High Renaissance music? If so, I think that's really creative in the context of Dante.

The biggest thing is that I feel like some of your harmonies and orchestrations in the middle section are just uncreative and unexciting. I really love the beginning/end and the cool atmosphere that sets up, but the stuff in the middle lacks that kind of paradisaical shimmer.

Yeah, I wanted this one to be much more toned-down than surrounding movements, so I intentionally stripped the orchestration down to just strings, solo horn and English horn. (Plus harp and organ). But I think I just got lazy in the middle passages.

You are very right about the High Renaissance segment, and I'm so glad that somebody caught that! It's loosely based on a round by Melchior Franck, "Da pacem, Domine." You can still sing the words to it:

Da Pacem, Domine,
da pacem, Domine
in diebus nostris.

Cool! It reminded me of Josquin De Prez's "Ave Maria, virgo serena".

So, my brother is an animator, and our university's tv station has decided to pay him to make an animated short for them. He gave me the animatic (basically an animated sketch of what the thing will look like) sans colors and asked me to score it.

Right now we're in different parts of the country, so we're going to meet together in about a month and revise the score--I'm guessing make the chase sequence more intense, but for now, it's a strict gymnopédie. Enjoy! (This is my first attempt at scoring anything, by the way.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eNgSiMpcS8Y

EDIT:
P.S., sorry that the movie is so quiet. Definitely going to have to listen to it with headphones or something.

That animation is way cool! I'm excited to see the end product!

As for the music, it definitely screams "Gymnopedie". I feel like it's a little too similar to Satie's "Gymnopedies" as it is. We'll see how it changes when you add the change to the chase sequence; perhaps you could add in a bit more Giacchino? Also, when it shows the mosaic in the animations, I want a change to something sweeter.

The music is not working with the visuals to me. If the animation was to have a narration on top of it and sfx, probably would work. But the music sounds very individual from the visuals. When the girl arrive to the forest, a change of chords or of key would be good . It's a new scene, you need to bring something new/fresh that follow the mood of that scene. Music need to interact with the visual.

Have fun with this project.

i actually didin't listen to the music... sorry to say.. but i really enjoyed the film. i'm glad i got to the first 10 people to have watched it.

So, I've been working more on my Inferno project. I just finished the fourth movement this morning. Here's an explanation beyond what I give in the info section on the YouTube page:

It starts with some fanfare for King Minos, and then we hear him on the tuba with the Dies Irae (a theme that's been used to symbolize death in music for centuries). As he's playing that, there's also a slithering motif that corresponds to his tail wrapping in coils to assign the dead to their circle of hell. You hear it nine times, for the nine circles. Also, the french horns (Virgil) sound a major triad in opposition to Minos, letting him know that he and Dante are there on God's errand.

Then the bass drum starts this perpetual beat that lasts through the end of the movement. It symbolizes the ongoing tempest in the second circle. Then we get these two allusions to Carmen, since this is the circle of Lust. Back to the storm theme.

Then there's an almost serenade on the strings which is the story of Francesca and Paolo. The whole time the bass drum is still going.

Then we hear a variation on the leopard (lust's) theme from the first movement, and we're back to the tempest. The tempest theme starts to die out, but the drums remain, symbolizing eternal yearning and torment of the damned lovers.

Here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NBxXuC7DeWc

P.S.

I've redone a LOT of the "Metro" music, and it's much better. I think I'm going to hold out until all the animation is done before I write any more, though. The timing has turned out to be much more different than I thought.

i think you did great with what you got. it felt like a silent movie.

I feel like the string serenade needs a more dramatic melody to really show the passion and/or lust of the two lovers and the melancholy nature of the story (since they both end up being murdered and going to hell).

The piece as a whole seems very well thought out, which is really cool.

Bahahaha! When you put it like that, it does seem like I underplayed their story a little.

I enjoyed listening to it. I don't know what to comment about the music related to the Divine Comedia. But this movement felt too "relaxed" or better to say moderate. I enjoyed it but there are not many part that stand out much. The tense moments did not feel enough tense for have a stronger impact in me or were too short. I also agree with the Death rider. The part that I liked more was at 3:44.

The part around 3:44 was all parallel fourths. I wonder what Johann Joseph Fux would have to say about that :P !

EDIT: Actually parallel thirds, but still.

Now that I think about it, why don't you make the orchestration a little more busy for the tempest at the end? Like maybe a quick bassoon and/or low string ostinato?

Just started listening to the Inferno Suite myself, and I'm rather enjoying the associative orchestration and such. And I've been listening to it without the images though, so it works pretty well even standalone. I'll try to add more detailed commentary after I have time to listen to the whole thing more thoroughly.

I hope this doesn't sound like a copout, but I'm shooting for under rather than overstatement with the Inferno stuff. One of the things I'm trying to extract from the poem is that it is more beautiful than jarring. Case in point: Francesca and Paolo. True, they met a violent end, but this is all the poem has to say about it, "Full many a time our eyes together drew/ That reading, and drove the color from our faces.../ This one, who ne'er from me shall be divided/ Kissed me upon the mouth all palpitating/ Galeotto was the book and he who wrote it./ That day no farther did we read therein."

It's so elegant it makes me want to scream! Plus, I'm afraid that if it's all horn blasts and blindingly fast passages, it'll get dull real fast.

On an unrelated note, I spontaneously decided to give Dante a break, and I wrote the attached piece today. I know deathraider is our choral-composer-in-residence, so I especially and eagerly await his advice.

Just a couple of Latin diction issues that I'll point out which may or may not be a big deal depending on your goals with the text:


Be-ne-DI-ci-mus - I feel like you're putting more emphasis on "ne" and "mus"; this could be clarified by simply adding a tenuto mark on "di" or by changing it.

Spi-ri-TU-i as opposed to Spi-ri-TUI, in which the last syllable would have a diphthong, which changes the syllabic stress. In Church Latin, each vowel should usually get its own syllable, especially if it is a long vowel sound. The exceptions are usually "ae" "oe" and "au" (and there might be more but those are the only ones I can think of at the moment). There are some words in which this is acceptable (such as in the word "eleison", which is actually Greek in origin), but in this case I would strongly advise separating the syllables and clarifying the emphasis.


In terms of the sheet music, you should remember that in vocal scores, the dynamics and hairpins always go above the staff instead of below.

Now for the music. I really like how you mix early music with 21st century music in the piece. My favorite part is your setting of "Gloria". You should know, however, that having so many low Cs will severely limit your possibilities for performances, because many choirs don't have the luxury of a wonderful bass section.

I also think you could be more aware of how many breaks you have in the music. It's good to have rests in choral music in order to take advantage of reverb, but at the same time if you have too much it loses its savor and it hinders the movement of the piece. I think in certain cases it would be better to keep more continuity by having even just one part hold over.

Also, there are some places where it feels like the bottom suddenly drops out from underneath the listener; mm. 34 and mm. 37 both do that to me. I'm not really sure how I would change it to make it better, but that is something that I would play around with.

Thanks! This is exactly the kind of thing I want to hear.

Haha, no problem!

:V Is it just me or do ta singers don't actually 'resing' during a same note? Like, first measure I couldn't hear anything like "a-do", just "ado"...

Or maybe that'll be fixed when they actually say stuff?

@Mushyrulez

Yeah, if I turn the reverb off, it sounds ridiculous, but if I leave it on, you can't hear the cut off of notes very well. Such is the life of man. Presumably a real choir would know how to say words.

Okay, here's the revised version.

Darn this liturgical Latin! I've just studied literary Latin, and there it would be pronounced (Spi-ri-tui). Okay, fixed it.

Also, I'm sticking with those low Cs, because I think they're awesome. Also, being a tenor, I'm mad a the world that i can't sing low, so I'm going to take it out on the basses. :shifty:

I implemented all your other advice though. Gracias, so much.

Also, I'm sticking with those low Cs, because I think they're awesome. Also, being a tenor, I'm mad a the world that i can't sing low, so I'm going to take it out on the basses. :shifty:


Hah! I like the way you think!

By the way, in literary Latin, would TUI be the emphasized syllable? Just curious.

^It'd be SPI-ri-tui. In words of three or mores syllables, the accent is on the third to last, unless the second to last is long.

Oh, right. Obviously that wouldn't work in liturgical Latin because for the most part there is only version of each written vowel (if that makes sense). Honestly, I can't remember what the rules are for syllabic stress besides that emphasis is usually on either the penultimate or third to last syllable; I mostly just know what it would be because I have sung so many pieces in liturgical Latin that I know how they would normally be sung...

Yeah, I actually think liturgical Latin is far prettier than classical. Example: Caesar's famous line, "Veni, vidi, vici" (I came, I saw, I conquered) is actually pronounced, "way-ni, weedee, weekee." That sounds ridiculous.

So, I was watching this, and was struck by how beautiful the description of Ophelia's death is:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IOuRbJrwLzQ&p=BB5C46640A703FAF&playnext=1&index=18

So, I edited Gertrude's little speech and set it to music. I'm eventually going to get this recorded. (I think.)

In my experience, pianists get very confused when you use the 8va treble, so you might want to just mark it as 8va or else do something to draw attention to the fact that it's an 8va staff, if that makes sense. Also, I think you should mark that it's a mezzo that you want singing in the beginning (or a soprano if you want that timbre, but I think this would be better for mezzo).

Your syllable stress on the word "glassy" is awkward because you're emphasizing the second syllable the way you have it, and also on "daisies".

I feel like the first section would be more exciting if you sped it up a little; right now it isn't drawing me in very well, but a faster piano part would help move the piece from the beginning. Does that make sense?

What are the rules for dividing syllables. I know if you're doing a phonetic transcription you're supposed to put as many of the consonants as possible into the beginning of the next syllable, but I'm guessing it's different for singing.

The 23rd measure says "broke" :V


Yeah, on the 26th measure it didn't sound very... right. The chords came too often to sound very... solemn? I don't know.


Beautiful, though.

What are the rules for dividing syllables. I know if you're doing a phonetic transcription you're supposed to put as many of the consonants as possible into the beginning of the next syllable, but I'm guessing it's different for singing.

Actually, I take that back; I think you're right that it's hea-vy, although for some reason that looks strange to me. I was going on instinct in this case, but I think my instincts were wrong. I don't fully understand the rules because it seems to me like they're sort of inconsistent, so sometimes I just have to look up the words I don't know. :/ Sorry.

@Mushyrulez, It says broke because that's what the text says. I didn't think it was especially odd...what about it bugs you?

Ah, I thought it was supposed to be 'brook'.


:V Oh well, I need to restudy my Shakespeare :P

I'm marching on with my Shakespeare project. I just finished Sonnet 71. After I get feedback from y'all I'm sending it on to the vocalist, and then after I write one more, I'll have some actual live recordings to share!

I think this may come off as being a touch boring largely because there isn't a real vocalist to add different shape to each verse. If you see a problem beyond that, please let me know.

I do feel like there needs to be a moment of contrast in the accompaniment which propels things a little bit towards the ending, probably in terms of harmony, like maybe a complete change to a major key with lots of sharps for just a moment. Just make sure it fits the text that it is accompanying.

I feel like you could do something a little more wild with the words "mock you" to really illustrate a mocking sound. Perhaps you could do something with the upper soprano range since you haven't really explored that much in either of your two pieces thus far?

Along those lines, what kind of soprano voice are you writing for?

Edit: Oh, and I also wanted to ask if there was any particular reason your climax is on "wise"...

Where should I add more contrast, at the end of the verses, at the last couplet, or at the VERY end? Or all of the above?

I'm writing for somebody who hasn't done classical singing in a long time. She has an incredibly clear, warm voice, but I'm not sure how comfortable she'd be with really high passages. It might distort the strong points of her singing. I may change it around a bit after we rehearse.

I put the climax on wise because I wanted it to sound a little bit angry and sarcastic. The poet just spent all this time telling the beloved not to mourn for him (her) not because of the pain in mourning, but because the "wise world" would add pain to that grief with scorn.

As always, thanks for such timely and insightful feedback.

EDIT:
P.S. Good luck at your concert tonight!

Thanks! I hope your crazy old ladies are well. ;)

Well, I think perhaps maybe the sharp change would make most sense textually if done with the final couplet to really emphasize what the change there.

Also, how come you changed the last word from "gone" to "dead"? It doesn't really matter besides that the rhyme is lost. Is that what you intended?

Once again, I really like how well you thought out the poetry that you were trying to set and I think that shows through really well. Keep up the good vocal work!

Thanks! I hope your crazy old ladies are well. ;)

Well, I think perhaps maybe the sharp change would make most sense textually if done with the final couplet to really emphasize what the change there.

Also, how come you changed the last word from "gone" to "dead"? It doesn't really matter besides that the rhyme is lost. Is that what you intended?

Once again, I really like how well you thought out the poetry that you were trying to set and I think that shows through really well. Keep up the good vocal work!

@Deathraider I said "dead" instead of "gone" because I was sloppy. Thanks for bringing that to my attention!

Okay, this is my last Shakespeare piece for a while. It's that one sonnet. I felt like I needed to do something peppy after those last two pieces were so lugubrious.

From measure 7-8 (and repetitions of those measure later on) there are a couple of problems. One of them is hidden octaves, and the other is parallel 2nds which I don't think fit into the style of the piece.

In measure 43, that should be "summer" and not "sumner".

Honestly, I thought the piano part was pretty boring. I feel like it needs some modern spice. Have you ever heard anything by Ivor Gurney? I really like how he treats his Shakespearean text in "Under the Greenwood Tree". He makes it very baroque or classical sounding, but then adds just a little bit of twist on it to make it his own.

Edit: Oh, and I just noticed that my last post posted more than once, so sorry about that!

Yeah... I noticed the parallel seconds. But I was feeling really, REALLY lazy. I fixed that and spiced up the piano part a bit. It's still not what anyone would consider flashy. I basically just want a short little peppy something to go at the end of those two downer-pieces so that my class doesn't think I'm a melancholy candidate for suicide.

Also, thanks for the tips on 71. Getting my sharp on was just what that ending needed.

Here be the revisions.

you guys are crazy

Hahaha!
Uh... care to elaborate?

ok... first... i don't understand half the thing you guys have in your conversations. if this conversation was happening in actual time, you'd see me with my hands in my pockets, eyes wide open, ears wide open, leaned forward listening to your conversations... pretty much, i feel like i'm in a room with two scholars carrying out their conversation, and trying to fit in by saying things like... "Yeah... i agree". :heh:

Your avatar still cracks me up, man XD

Your avatar still cracks me up, man XD

That's what I'm here for....

Hello Alfonso,

I really enjoyed Toronto Fantasy. The passage starting from 1:06 is very pleasant (reminds me of something I can't recall at the moment), but the repeated chord at 1:14 was a little disappointing.

I couldn't really appreciate the segment of the melody with the raised 4th scale degree (eg. 0:32). 1:40 is very interesting.

Anyways, overall great composition, and I like the atmosphere it establishes - certainly very 'fantastic'! Please post if you ever produce/obtain a better recording.

And nice avatar! Cute eyes. :)

Hi Alfonso de Sabio
I love this double portrait. Welcome back
it's nice to have you back on ichigos forums.
Hope to see more of your creativity here
my lead system pro (http://www.zchand.com/10/myleadsystempro)

Wow, thanks for the revival posts. I hadn't thought about those two pieces in about two years.

Last night I recorded Sonnet 18 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld9xyC31Cb4). I make a couple mistakes on the piano, but whatevs.

Wow, thanks for the revival posts. I hadn't thought about those two pieces in about two years.

Last night I recorded Sonnet 18 (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ld9xyC31Cb4). I make a couple mistakes on the piano, but whatevs.

It seems weird to me that music is not following the structure and rhyme scheme of the sonnet. :think:

I'm going to have to respectfully disagree with you. The first verse is the first quatrain, the second the second, and the third the third. The couplet, which I think is the resolution, if not the volta itself, is set apart just as it is in the poem. As for the rhyme scheme, how could I possibly keep the same words and not preserve the rhyme scheme?

I was so tired that I wrote something unbelievable even for me. x_x
Forget the comment, please. :cry::cry::cry:

I was just wrong because I was looking for the typical (2 quartets and 2 tercets) sonnet structure (from Petrarch) but this is Shakespeare. I am deeply sorry. ^^"

Anyway if I could suggest something, why not using old instruments like harpsichord, flute and violin to create the music?

Haha, no worries! I'm impressed that you're so familiar with Petrarch.

That is a cool idea about the instrumentation. The one that I'm going to record this Tuesday is already basically written out like it's an organ, so I thought of tweaking that one, but I hadn't thought of doing something with the rest of the songs. Yeah, I think cello and flute or violin would be really good for this song. Thanks!

Nice recording, for the most part! Your soprano kind of reminds me a lot of Enya. Haha! She needs better diction in my opinion, though, because it's really hard to understand what she's singing.

Also on the last cadence, when the suspension resolves, I would have liked it better if the whole chord hadn't been played again. Then it makes the 2 reiterations of the final chord a little more subtle in my opinion.

Yeah. I'm going to re-record it so you can actually understand what she's singing. (And hopefully there will be fewer piano blunders as well.) I'll play with your idea for the resolution. I like it.

I just listened to your recording of "Ophelia's Elegie" on YouTube (and commented there), but I wanted to say that I really like the ending a lot.

I agree with you about the pronunciation. In fact, pretty much everybody that's listened to it has complained that they can't understand her. I'm glad you liked it, though. Here's the video so everyone else can see what we're talking about:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2TG7ZZ5f_1o

EDIT:

Here is the full cycle:

http://www.youtube.com/view_play_list?p=75A98D2C1AC52002

Okay, I finally got back to working on my Inferno symphony:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M8Hkkfn5fu4

The past few months have been crazy; I finished scoring that movie I was working on a while back, but for legal reasons, it won't be online for a while. Also, other school things were weighing me down. Anyway, I figured out how to mess with the acoustic settings on Finale, which got me inspired to write cathedral-like organ music. Here's the result:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pqqT4esPWdk

Phantom of the Opera, BABY! Not that I'm saying it sounds like a piece from that, but it sounds creepy. Do you play organ?

Like I commented on your other video, the organ sound is really nice! I wish I had more freedom in terms of stops in my organ samples.

@Ander
Thanks! I used to play the organ a lot, but I haven't played regularly in years. I was the church organist, but then I moved, and I didn't get to take their organ with me.

@Deathraider

Yeah, I just alternate between the Flutes organ, church organ, and Hauptwerk all-stops organ. So there are really still only three choices for stops. It would be sweet to have a program where you had complete control over the stops.

I like how the piece contrasts lighter parts with heavier parts in the sections of the structure and within the sections themselves, I thought it was nice. I also really love the opening (the first 35 seconds), great chords. Good job! (:

@Ander
...but then I moved, and I didn't get to take their organ with me.

hahaha!

I'm sure there are plenty of organs at BYU...

There are, but they're under lock and key—only organ students have the access codes. And we just have church in the larger classrooms, so there aren't any organs there either. It's kind of a bummer. When I first got out here, I had all these dreams that I would wander into an abandoned cathedral, find an awesome organ, and start jamming.

Lame!

I just started a new project, a suite for organ. Here's the prelude.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=403g1MFRj34

I wasn't really sure about the beginning. It made me very uncomfortable, which is weird. Long story short, it certainly made me feel a whole lot more comfortable as the time went by. It was somewhat original, and yet very familiar. The original part definitely made it to be yours, and the familiar part sure made me feel at ease. I liked it. The harmony was really nice at the end and around :54 and everything in between just made me kept my eyes open for whatever it is to come.

Hahaha! I love that it made you uncomfortable. There are some nasty things in there like tritones in the melody. I'm glad it grew on you, though.

It was an interesting listen. It has an opaque mood. I did not find anything the enough "nasty". :P My only complain with this piece is that sounded too muddy.

You have to remember, though, that organ music tends to be more muddy in any case because of the halls in which organs are situated. I thought it was a cool piece.

Took the words right out of my mouth, deathraider.

Here's movement numero two. It's a dressed up version of a guitar piece I wrote about six years ago for a friend.


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kLizI3oodxs

There's something about that's really beautiful. It's dark, yet there's a spot light shining down on a beauty. I don't know if it's because it's 3/4 beat... come to think of it... that might be it... amongst many other things. I might actually like this better than the guitar version.. though I've never heard of the guitar one... I can imagine this organ piece being better than the guitar one. I can't really say anything bad about this. I would say if anything you should put more rhythm variation for the bass part. Nice remix, nevertheless.

Thanks! That may be the nicest thing anyone has ever said about one of my compositions. I was definitely shooting for a dark and beautiful piece. This makes me excited to work on the next movements.

Imma make sure to listen to it.

Here's the next movement:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UlgLwDNIOxc

A tarantella is a dance you do once you've been bitten by a certain kind of spider. It's supposed to stave off the madness (and death) that the venom causes.

alfonso i love your work
but it would hurt to give the violas and cellos a bit more melody :)
not that i play viola or cello

Hahaha, I actually do play the cello. I'll keep that in mind.

And the next movement. It's kind of homage to Bach:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wnN-eyHx-ik

For me, the Sarabande was lacking something in terms of consistent harmonic drive; sometimes your harmony stagnates a little. Because of the slow tempo of the traditional Sarabande, I think you need to make sure that the harmony and counterpoint is really driving to make up for it. Be aware of your harmonic rhythm, and make sure you don't string together chords that have basically the same function, because that is when your harmony stagnates.

On the other hand, you have some really nice elements, too. It feels like you knew what you wanted out of your Sarabande, and it seemed authentic. I also really enjoyed the baroque, modal feel you used, but with your own sort of flare.

What was your goal with the ending?

Tarentella... I would dance to that. hahaha. If I ever get bit by a spider... which I don't see why because I wouldn't even go near it... but if I do, I'll tell the doctor, "Forget the antidote! Bring me the youtube, and type in Tarentella. Now step aside while I perform the Spider Man dance." and dance like that funny Spider Man. But seriously... I enjoyed it.

Sarabande isn't really the kind of music that I would seek to listen to. However, it did remind me alot about the back in days when I used a lot of whole notes. In that sense I like the way you wanted to reach back to give other composers something to think about... umm... the one criticizing thing...... I would have hoped for a more dramatic harmony.... or more.

@Deathraider: In the last few measures I was shooting for an ascending tension and then a fall. I was actually thinking of the ending of this Sarabande, from about 6:10 on:


http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3WxnXerG4cM

Could you give me some counter times for when the harmony stagnates?

@Ander, I'm glad you like the Tarantella. It's a crazy idea, right? I'm pretty sure raising your heart rate is not the way to get rid of venom.

Okay, I just got a Finale upgrade, and a friend of mine asked me to write a violin/cello duet, so this is the result:

http://soundcloud.com/alfonso-x/duet-for-violin-and-cello-in-e

Dang, it's nice to have someone who knows how to write for strings. That being said, what exactly do you want with those double and triple stops? The bass notes look pretty important, but if the chords are rolled, you won't hear enough of them.

Thanks!

I guess you're talking about that part from measure 72–81. Yeah.... On the quadruple stops, the cello is going to have to hold out a little longer than usual before rolling them. But on the triple stops, it should be manageable if the cellist uses enough weight.

Sounds great dude! I was wondering about all those stops too. lol

Here's the third movement in the quartet I'm writing.

http://soundcloud.com/alfonso-x/quartet-fugue-preview

It's the first time I've written a full-on fugue and not just a fugatto in a larger piece.

Sounds good dude! I've always had an admiration for the fugue and it sounds like you've givin it a great contemporary feel to it. Do you have a group in mind while composing this quartet?

Thanks! I do have a group in mind. I'm the cellist in a quartet, and we played through the fugue last night. The fugue is the third movement in a quartet I'm writing, and I think it's the group's favorite. (The fourth movement hasn't been written yet.)

.

Okay, I understand that this is a long-@$$ piece, so I really do appreciate you listening to it at all. It's the conclusion to a string quartet I'm writing for the 10th anniversary of 9/11. The title of this movement is "sed perfecta caritas," which is from the Vulgate translation of 1 John 4:18, "But perfect love casteth out fear." I wanted to end positively, and this movement is kind of my own journey in trying to understand the phrase, "timor non est in caritate"—"there is no fear in love."

http://soundcloud.com/alfonso-x/quartet-adagio-preview

I love it! I like the simplicity of the piece as to say its more harmonically based rather than chalck full of counterpoint. My favorite part was the E section.

Thanks so much! Yeah, I figured I should throw something like a melody in there besides four ascending quarter notes. :sweat:!

Really cool! D to F was probably my favorite part, maybe because it reminded me of Tchaikovsky. :P No real advice except to clean up your score a little; decide what pattern of rests you want to use in the 6/8 section and stick with it (m. 41 and 44 in the V1 part make me cringe). Of course this has no effect on the actual music, which is awesome.

AH! You are so right about needing to clean up those rests. I was in a mad rush to get this to the players before we rehearsed, but that's just down-right sloppy.

I was actually trying to channel Tchaikovsky with this! (Specifically the pizz section of the "Elegy" in his serenade for strings.)

That was the exact piece that came to mind. B)

I'm trying to put together a portfolio for film composing stuff, so I decided to re-score some old silent movies. This is for "The Mark of Zorro," which is streamable on Netflix. The music starts right with the movie, if you want to check it out. This is WAY different from the stuff I usually write, but I'm trying to show my range as a composer.

I like the atmosphere created in the piece. It makes me think like you are crossing a dry zone with a horse. The rhythm gets dull after a few repetitions of it. Maybe lower the guitar volume so it sit better with the bass [Is it there a bass right?] and add a simple percussion pattern to aid the guitar?

Can you offer us a direct link to the video? [Never-mind, I just saw it is paying].

And holy sainted monkey, you revived in my mind the Zorro series I watched when I was a kid!

^Yeah, I think I will add some percussion. There's a couple different versions on YouTube, but the timing is different from the one I was watching on Netflix. It takes the full two minutes to get to the main title card on the Netflix version.

This is the first movement of the quartet I'm writing for the 9/11 thing. We're recording it in four days, so any timely comments are certainly appreciated! :sweat:

http://soundcloud.com/alfonso-x/quartet-in-memoriam-1

Wow, that's cool. Did you have a specific program in mind when you wrote this? I loved how you used that 5/4 feel, and the use of the open A from m. 109 to the end made me smile. I haven't taken very much theory (yet), so I don't have the background to give you a really solid critique from a composer's standpoint. That being said...

Your first violinist has to be dang good to be able to pull off that bit from E to F. It's a really cool effect, totally worth it, but could be a bit of a pain to keep in tune. They also need to be careful from 28-39—a plucked open E-string will be heard, bright and clear, through anything and everything else being played—the the note on the fourth beat of m. 33 would be stronger than the one on the fifth. You should definitely decide on what you want beforehand, if you haven't already. The quadruple stops in m. 107 should be split if you want the chord to sound all at once (no rolling). But once again, these are little minor things. Awesome!

I'm glad you like it! I'm actually least secure about this movement. I feel like the quartet gets better as it goes along.

Our first violinist IS dang good. She sight-read that passage perfectly. (Granted, it is kind of repetitive.) As for the bigun-sized double stops, I figured we'd just try to execute it like the beginning of Grieg's quartet (split, like you suggested).

It's nice to have a violinist-composer go over this, though. Thanks. I pretty much write for the violin as if it were just a tiny, nimble cello with weird tuning. I'm always happy for input from someone who actually plays the instrument.

A while back I posted some sketches I did for an animated short I was scoring. Well, I finished scoring/recording it back in January. Turns out, it's done pretty well for itself. It's been in a festival in Utah (we got best in show), Ottawa, New York (it's actually screening in New York today in a different festival—the Animation Block Party (http://animationblock.com/index.php)), and it just moved up to the semi finals in an Adobe festival in Taipei. Also, we just got a request for submission from another festival in New York!

So with all this recent buzz, my brother (the director) put up a trailer and a clip from the movie. The full thing can't go online until March, but I thought I'd give y'all a sample of what I had been working on.


http://vimeo.com/27095216


http://vimeo.com/25831682

P.S.

The full score (which gets MUCH cooler after the first minute and a half) is available for download on my website (http://mlwyatt.load.cd/sheetmusic/).

P.P.S.

Here's an interview I'd kind of forgotten about. Mostly, it's me and Jake being interviewed on what it's like to be Mormon and an artist, but we talk about METRO a good bit, and I give a shout-out to Ichigo's at the beginning!


http://vimeo.com/21951841

UPDATE:

METRO just won best student film at the Animation Block Party in New York. It's a big industry festival, and they decided to give us a grant to make another movie!

My quartet made a recording of the September 11th quartet, and I just got done mixing it this morning. We have the odd problem with intonation, but given the time constraints I'm really pleased with how this turned out. (Also, this was the first time the violist had seen the music. Our old one backed out on the actual day of recording.)

http://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PL0CCAE4B7CBD1CA8D

Hey!

Sorry it's taken me a while to comment. Congratualtions on the success of your brother and your metro film! The music really goes well with the movie; I like it! Your 9/11 quartet turned out great as well! I can't wait to hear your future works good sir! Good luck at Adobe!

the eleventh - wow.. it's so elegant and majestic. I think the musicians had a rough start, but it became very syncronized. It was sad and nostalgic, almost. A tragic reminescence of heart stopping moments.

I'm so glad you liked it! That's exactly the feeling I was going for. You should check out the third and fourth movement. I'm most proud of those, and I feel that the recording quality on those tracks is much higher.

Thanks PorscheGTIII! I just got an e-mail from Adobe with a little PDF attached certifying that I'm a semifinalist. They said, "We are pleased to honour your brilliant work and we look forward to seeing more of your work in the future!" Clearly they've never seen me try to use Photoshop!:heh:

I'm writing a cello sonata for my teacher of three years, and I'm having writer's block on the first movement. Here's what I have so far, any ideas of where to take it next?

Oh, wow. LOVE that theme. One idea would be to put the theme in counterpoint with itself, offsetting by either a bar or half a bar, and maybe shifting the focus to the harmony at the same time. Or you put the second and fourth bars of the theme into 3/4 time (either by diminution or by changing to three quarter notes), and then accent every note in that bar. Emotionally speaking, where do you want to go next?

Yeah, I guess my main problem is that I don't know where to take it emotionally.

I like it. It has that fantasy sound.. and I don't mean final fantasy. Fantasia I guess is more like it. It's simple and it's got a very attractie feeling to it.

Okay, I haven't made any advances on my cello sonata. In fact, I didn't do any composing at all for months. This is my comeback!

It's a piece for solo piano written entirely in fifths. Take a look at the sheet music, too, because sometimes Finale does a crappy job of following my notes for expression.

Interesting. I don't think it would have been that interesting if it wasn't for the sheet music.

Was the melody just hard to follow without the sheet music?

that's the thing.... for me without the sheet music i wouldn't have known what was so significant about the piece. If anything I would have thought the piece was a film score or something. But I do think that the piece was rather smooth and not too predictable.

This is my setting of the "Willow" song from Othello. It's the one Desdemona starts singing before she gets murdered, the one she can't get out of her head.

I hate every other version of this that I've heard, so I figured I'd render the world a public service and write a better one.

Well, since that last piece was such a success, I'll post this cello piece. I don't know what I want to do with it—make it a movement of a longer work, or just leave it as a stand alone piece. What do you think of the balance of the piece? Between piano and cello, and between the different sections?

14897

14898

Very amazing music you have, I love all your work that you've done here! :D Just wondering, is there a chance that you could upload the sheets for Double Portrait? The piece reminds me of Sherlock Holmes for some reason.

Ayaya! Double Portrait? I wrote that like, six years ago! Let me see if I can find it. *Blows dust off of his "documents" folder*

Yeah, I've been looking for like a half hour. I don't think I have that file anymore…

Ah well, I appreciate the search. :)

Another piece for cello/piano.

I have a friend who's doing a one-man-show in November, and he wanted me to write some incidental music for it. I cranked this out in about 90 minutes.

Let me know what you think!

hi

^This is a place where people supposedly get feedback on their compositions, although that hasn't really been the case recently.

Speaking of which, here's my latest. I'm working on a suite of "modal psalms" for the cello. So the set is supposed to be meditative and prayerful. Here's the phrygian psalm:

Sorry Alfonso. I guess I could talk about the Cello Piece. When I first heard it... I immediately thought of The Game of Throne intro song. But then the familiarity dissipated. It's a rather dull song coming from you I think. But then again I guess you didn't want to steal the spot light, which I respect because it is so tempting to just... you know... flex your musically juiced muscles. Funny thing is I listened to it about maybe two.. three weeks ago, but I can still remember parts of it, though I only listened to it once. I couldn't listen to it again, because well.... I thought it was a bit dull. Perhaps that might have affected your friend's performance, I don't know. But whatever he did... I get the feeling that it was something that was mysteriously intriguing, or maybe... misguiding. Does that sound about right?

Oh and I didn't comment or give you any feedbacks because I was hoping others members would give you the critique first... mainly because I didn't want to be the first one to comment. I guess it's something I won't do in the near future.

I will give it a 7.12/10

I was actually meditated. meditating. medatatatating. :)

I really did feel like I was in a trance for a bit... otherwise... why finish the entire song.

I thought it was pretty good. I seriously sat here and listened. I felt the grasp, and I didn't really do anything aside from that. My mind went blank. Nothing. At one point i didn't even hear the music. Space.

.
.
.
.
o
OoOpOaOcOeO
0
.
.