I have a friend who's feeling very down on himself since I told him that I wouldn't be with him because I didn't want to hurt him. It seems that I was basically his reason for living, and now I think he may be considering suicide.

I myself went through a time like that pretty recently. I'm out of it for now, but it's only thanks to God. I was told once that my friend is a Christian, but I'm not sure if he is or was or if he's lost faith... I don't know. I just want to help him, but I think all I do is hurt.

What can I do if God isn't in his picture?

Go seek help from someone like a parent, guidance councilor, or teacher. Express your concerns to them. They can much better handle the situation. Also, let your friend know you are there for him and he can tell you anything to take a load off his mind.

Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I have a friend who's feeling very down on himself since I told him that I wouldn't be with him because I didn't want to hurt him. It seems that I was basically his reason for living, and now I think he may be considering suicide.

I myself went through a time like that pretty recently. I'm out of it for now, but it's only thanks to God. I was told once that my friend is a Christian, but I'm not sure if he is or was or if he's lost faith... I don't know. I just want to help him, but I think all I do is hurt.

What can I do if God isn't in his picture?


...

1) Oh boy, another suicide thread.

2) You're both teenagers. I didn't even have to look this information up. Why? Because of the situation and description of your problem. At this point in life, teenagers think too much on impulse rather than on logic. Try to convince him of this. Suicidal thoughts are rarely intentional, and are most time a way to attempt to maintain something, as in this case "being with you". Tell him to get over it and to realize there's more to life than just you.

3) Fact: There's no such thing as "living for someone I'm friends with" at your age. That's a false impulse set by pheromones and misconceptions due to the drastic changes in day-to-day life you experience. You cannot live for someone other than yourself, but this is ultimately a lesson learned later in life, when it's not so useful.

3) Why so serious?

Finally) Please leave mention of higher powers out of this. While they may apply to what you think, but that thought process is not universal to every belief system, and often is used as a crutch to a real problem rather than a solution.

I've already done so... There's only so much a child can do, so I have to trust my mother to find help, but I don't know if it would arrive in time. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but it sounds like tonight may be too much...

It might be easier if he lived near me... I feel useless.

M, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disregard what you've just said. I was very close myself to actually going through with it; I didn't tell anyone. It wasn't for attention, it wasn't a threat to anyone but myself.

He has fragile emotions, and it seems like he's been thinking about it for weeks. Just because we're teenagers doesn't mean that we act on every impulse- if I had, I'd be dead.

I think I'm lucky, though. I dragged a higher power into it- a 'crutch', as you say- and survived. He may not have the same luxury.

*I know I screwed up that last part. I'm afraid I have no time left tonight. I'll edit tomorrow.

M, I'm sorry, but I'm going to have to disregard what you've just said. I was very close myself to actually going through with it; I didn't tell anyone. It wasn't for attention, it wasn't a threat to anyone but myself.

He has fragile emotions, and it seems like he's been thinking about it for weeks. Just because we're teenagers doesn't mean that we act on every impulse- if I had, I'd be dead.

I think I'm lucky, though. I dragged a higher power into it- a 'crutch', as you say- and survived. He may not have the same luxury.

*I know I screwed up that last part. I'm afraid I have no time left tonight. I'll edit tomorrow.


And that may be so, as I don't know the circumstances you were in when you were having those thoughts. But, given the information you have on the gentleman you mentioned above, I can't help but think of it as I originally stated.

My point still stand: push him to get over it. Ultimately, there's nothing anyone can do when there's suicide on the mind other than to chain them down and wait for the swell to pass. I don't like waiting, so I typically handle the situation head on and directly attack the problem and completely eradicate it.

On top of it all, it sounds like you're the root of the problem; "I wouldn't be with him because I didn't want to hurt him". Why? How would you hurt him? In what ways? Is the hurt that you would cause him be greater than what he's feeling right now? If you didn't want to be with him, why would you word it that way? It's screaming misconception, and that's pro'lly what he's reading into.

If he has lost his faith in God, do not try to convince him with Christianity. Perhaps it might injure him further if God's "intent" causes any tragedies or somber thoughts in him.

With speculation, I guess this is a tragedy in which you became friends a guy who likes you. Two shy people that became friends by circumstances, and you think/know he likes you. Originally, you wanted to become friends with him with only bright thoughts of the future, but now you realize continuing this friendship will ultimately hurt him in the end when you fall for someone.

Most likely, my speculation is wrong.

Discuss why he is sad in length with him. Do not try to bring out the light of issues of his life or the world, but just try to understand him. Somehow.. I think of positive thoughts of an intelligent man as a tower, capable to be crushed. But the understanding of another will flow like a stream, having balance with the nature and dodging courses. He knows you and will confess his inner thoughts to you, being good friends is not the key here, but trust.

*personally not religious*

reason doesnt work with someone who is seriously thinking of killing themselves.

guilt trip him to make him understand that people will mourn for him if he leaves
get angry (to a moderate and controlled degree) at him for trying to abandon everyone

All right, I'll try to explain more... We'd only been friends for about a month when he started saying things like he was going to marry me. I thought he was joking, so I went along with it.

A few months later, he started really meaning it. I still didn't. He's my friend, but just that... If he became too attached, he would really be hurt in the end, once he realized that I didn't love him like he wanted me to. I thought the best thing to do was to cut it off while I could, but now he's like this...

His family isn't very fond of him, to put it nicely. He doesn't really have anyone he can call a friend; I was pretty much the first seed of hope in his life, as weird as it sounds. Now I just destroyed it, and, as much as I've been begging him to go on, he can't see that being friends might be enough. I've tried to be there for him every day, listening when he needed to talk, talking when he just wanted company...

I told him that I thought he was the reason he couldn't do it anymore- just less bluntly. All that did was get him to say "I have no reason to live." I told him that he had people that cared about him- wasn't that enough? He said that we'd only care for a moment if he died. That got me kind of angry... Pretty much because I knew exactly how he felt. I let him know that I understood how he was feeling, and I tried to get him to believe that it would be different without him, that we cared much more than he thought...

That led into a conversation that ran in circles. I think I actually made it worse.

I see. I think you are trying too hard to be honest with you. I think you should back down a little bit. Your friend has to be able to realise that he has people that care about him by himself. If he's in as bad state of mind as you say, nothing you say will convince him.

My advice to you is just hang out with him like normal and try to keep his mind off his situation as much as humanly possible. If in the worst case he does kill himself, don't blame yourself! If you did all you could to help him out to show that somebody cares about him, it's his fault for not realising that he has as wonderful a friend as you.
Sorry if I'm not making any sense.

Thank you, Euphoria12... I think you're right. Don't worry, you made sense.

I've been trying to stay pretty normal most of the time, but it doesn't seem to help much... I'll keep trying.

If I have to guess what he is thinking: He probably will be happy ,as of currently, only if he gets what he wants. Questioning himself if what he wants is too much. The answer responded with reality is no. He can't see why he can not bring you into his life. Is he by any chance kind of infuriated or rushy?

What I think you should do:

Tell him flatly that even if you two start dating, you will eventually leave him because you do not feel intimate with him. Let him go, do not bother convincing him out of suicide. If his mind is set to pessimism, there will be always a slight feeling of wanting to end his life.

Its probably because he is going through puberty or something. He is smart, but short-sighted. I doubt he will suicide. Probably will linger you in his mind for some time and debating whether or not to pursue someone who will eventually leave him. After you two have separated, he will go back to his old self.
Happiness may just not be part of his fate, at least of what he expects happiness to be.

I know this is mean, but like M said, you are the root of this depth. But its not like you are evil or wrong, there is no right or wrong in this case.

note: i only really quickly skimmed over this thread so sorry if something i say is grossly incorrect, meh

i think he shouldn't revolve his whole world around you, or anyone.

teens generally tend to overeact about things and ur pal has taken this to the extreme. though i think he is kind of dumb to just give up after failing with you, and not trying anymore, but i dont know.

He's sixteen, so I doubt it's puberty... He's not angry, not anything... Just empty now. I really hate that I don't see any hope for him. Even if I wasn't in the picture, his life wasn't all that great before he met me... I don't know if it would make a difference.

Jedi, you're pretty much on the right track. I agree- he shouldn't have centered his life on me. However, I can see why he tried to, so I can't call him stupid for it.

I think I may have guilted him enough for now... He didn't say that he wonders why he's alive yesterday. I really hope he can see that he CAN get better... Thanks to everyone who's trying to help, by the way!

16 = puberty, especially with guys.

I'm not sure if a public internet forum is the best of places for discussing this kind of subject. If he's seriously unstable, get help for him. That's all I want to say on this matter, since I've seen too many people making too many threads like this, and they were all lies. Not saying you're lying, I just don't want to have anything to do with threads like this. If you're serious about what you've said so far, good luck with the whole matter, I hope you'll find a way to help your friend and solve this situation in a way that's satisfactory for both of you.

1) Oh boy, another suicide thread.

3) Why so serious?

Indeed.

Ichigos doesn't deserve this crap.

Why, why why why WHY the hell would you try to share something as serious and disturbing as issues of suicide with total strangers? Are you even serious? honestly, seeing as how 90% of suicide related talk crap on the net is just bullshit, I'm inclined to be cynical. This isn't just "I'm gay, but I'm afraid everyone will pick on me if I come out" kind of thing. This is a call your local undertaker just in case things go wrong serious thing. At best this makes the more concerned and helpful of us (at this forum) highly uncomfortable and at worst it makes people like me pissed off. Solve your own problems. Its your friend, if you're concerned by his problem enough to talk to strangers for advice, why the hell did you hurt him that bad in the first place?


Now that I've had a rant a word of straight advice: Thats what parents and more immediate friends are for. You got no other people to talk over this with? Then go find your friend a psychiatrist.


[Do NOT read the following spoiler if you're under 18 or easily offended i.e: children with fragile emotions]

Kids don't deserve suicide. Life is hell. With 60 odd years(on average) of more crap to endure, why cheat out the rest of pain? Damn pansies thinking life is harsh? Pft.

I am aware that the internet is not the best place to turn to in situations such as this. However, I will repeat: I am thirteen. How much can I do? I told my mother and she will do what she can.

I came here for advice on what I can do at the moment, just as a friend. As you've probably seen even on this thread, children's voices don't seem to be heard very much.

Wait what, youre 13 and he's 16? And he thinks youre his life? Oo?

It's not that we don't listen, it's just that the internet, by nature, is not the place to seek out these kinds of answers. Kou explained this, Neko Koneko illustrated this, and I hinted at this.

These are questions for professionals, not anonymous users on the internet; because you can get bad information that could lead to absolutely devastating situations.

I'm always willing to help somebody in need, but I have agree with M on that subject.

I'm just a psychology student, not professional counselor, so ethically I really shouldn't be giving advice:heh:. Nobody here can really give you a true answer to your problem. It's up to you to find the answer.

I really hope things work out for you. ^_^

It's not that we don't listen, it's just that the internet, by nature, is not the place to seek out these kinds of answers. Kou explained this, Neko Koneko illustrated this, and I hinted at this.

These are questions for professionals, not anonymous users on the internet; because you can get bad information that could lead to absolutely devastating situations.

DEEEENSHAAAA!!!!!!


Had to say it ^_^

I am thirteen, he is sixteen, I'm pretty sure I'm not his life anymore.

I understand that, as well. No advice, useless advice, outright bad/harmful advice... I do have some judgement, but thank you for your concern. As I said, I do know that the internet isn't a great place for this. I was kind of desperate. --;

Don't know if it was me or something else, but, thankfully, I don't think suicide is an option for him anymore (for the moment, at least). Thanks for your comments, everyone.

Eh, nevermind. My humor was far too black.

I was basically his reason for living

Just... wow... Having such a bloated ego at 13 is quite the accomplishment.

Bloated ego? I'm sorry to correct you, but he told me that himself. I don't seem to be quite so important anymore, luckily or not... It all depends on if he starts thinking too much again.

I'm sure he did. The fact that you even for a second took his words seriously speaks more about you than him.

No offence to you Gracie ,but Alone does have a point. Although, isn't constantly pointing out the stupidity and poor choices in ones words, a sign of somebody satisfying their own ego?:sherlock: Not saying that satisfying your ego is bad for you ( big sell-confidence builder), but doing it alot makes the people doing just that look really rude and obnoxious. :crybaby:

I'm going to assume the guy goes to school and all that jazz O_o"
I'm pretty sure he's going to get over it, talking about suicide is alot easier than the actual thing.
I bet he feels satisfied talking about an ideal way to go, much like saying "im so useless" "cant do anything for myself". Its just building up to something that wont happen.

I also sense teen lust taking over when it comes how much you care about him. I dont think (or try to defy me) that you two wont stick till the day you marry, maybe still friends but I dont buy the marriage thing. Just learn to care more about your own life, his grief is taking over you too much

Just tell him to fight the hard fight and keep going really :S

I'm going to assume the guy goes to school and all that jazz O_o"
I'm pretty sure he's going to get over it, talking about suicide is alot easier than the actual thing.
I bet he feels satisfied talking about an ideal way to go, much like saying "im so useless" "cant do anything for myself". Its just building up to something that wont happen.

I also sense teen lust taking over when it comes how much you care about him. I dont think (or try to defy me) that you two wont stick till the day you marry, maybe still friends but I dont buy the marriage thing. Just learn to care more about your own life, his grief is taking over you too much

Just tell him to fight the hard fight and keep going really :S

I wanna squeeze your cheeks ^.^^.^

I don't know what to say about the ego part, in that case. I don't stick out there enough to be right or wrong. And, despite what I may have sounded like, I don't like telling people they're wrong.

I believe him because he believes himself, Alone. Or, believed...

Euphoria12 (everyone, actually), I'm sorry if I've seemed to be pointing out stupidity or a poor choice of words... I'm trying to get my point out there, so that you all can understand. I'm trying to say "This won't work because...", "I think you may be mistaken in my case," or "But I don't feel that way, so..." I'm sorry if anything I say seems to be anything less than respectful of your comments. If that sounds insincere... Sorry.

Furbob, you've just scared me. Teen lust? Eheh... Um... No... I love him like a brother. He loved me in a different way. That's why we were in the situation... Which is, however temporarily, all right for now... And, yeah, I'm not gonna even try. I knew we weren't going to stick. That's why I tried to cut it off before he got too into it... I've never been too interested in my life. Worrying about others is what I do. >.<

Hm... If I said, however true or untrue it may be, that everything was just fine and no one was/will be in any danger, would I stop wasting your time?

Has he killed himself yet?

Um... have I not said it enough yet?

I think he's okay for now.

I think he's okay for now.

I think he's okay for now.

I think he's okay for now.

I think he's okay for now.

....Maybe that's enough.

If he hasn't yet, he won't, right? I'm hoping you're right, X.

I think it's better to close this topic, before people start fighting.