Hi, I'm new here. :D I just recently 'finished' my first song and I'm currently working on the second. Some things about the first one bother me, so I was wondering what your opinion might be.

Kyoku no Nozomi (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/kyoku_no_nozomi.mid)

With the one I'm currently working on, I tried to make it sound 'regal', but I think the intro is probably too long for the size of the composition right now. I'm going to make an attempt at expanding it, but please tell me what you think so far.

Ayumi no Rogan (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/ayumi_no_rogan.mid)

I just made up titles for them....also, as these are my first compositions and I've never taken a theory class or anything (only played the clarinet and also the piano, but briefly), I tried to keep them simple so I wouldn't get carried away or anything. Thus, they are both done on the standard Accoustic Grand.

Well, thanks for your time. :D

Yaoku no Nozomi: The name fits the song very well, but the songs itself sounds rather empty... especially from ~1:00 - 2:13, there is absolutely no accompany part.

Ayumi no Rogan: Sometimes the melody is pretty good and I notice what you intended, sometimes it just sounds random. You should give this song a better structure. ;)

P.S: I wonder why no one answered before me :/ I'm not very good at critism....

The songs would be good if you work on the harmonics.

Kyoku no Nozomi:

There are lots of ways to interpret 'regal', but the length of a song is not a contributing factor, so don't worry about the intro. But what did you have in mind for the regalness? Anyways, they're right, it could use more accompaniment/harmony. However, on top of that, I feel like it needs something "more". I can't put my finger on it . .

Ayumi no Rogan:

You just made up the title? But what does it mean? Anyways, harmony is here, but it lacks substance. That something "more". . try to give it more structure and direction, okay? Same goes for the first song.

Though good job for your first two songs ever!

Thanks for replying. :D

For the song Kyoku no Nozomi, for that big section with no accompaniment, I was originally doing a solo type thing, and I was going to have the cello doing that part. I made the switch over to the piano though and never added anything else, because I wasn't, and still am not, sure what to do with it. I guess I'll have to figure out something then, eh?
Any suggestions?

With Ayumi no Rogan (footsteps of Logan-- I really couldn't think of anything to call it, so I named it after myself :/ ), it was actually sort of random; me just jotting things down where I thought it sounded nice. I'll make it better, I promise!

While eagerly waiting for replies, I put Ayumi no Rogan in E Major...it sounds better to me. How 'bout you?
Ayumi no Rogan in E Major (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/ayumi_no_rogan_in_e_major.mid)

Thank you very much!

Hey, sah... I like both, tho what the others say is definitely true. Try this (if you're using a good writing program [if not, look at some cheap ones at the thread at the top]) add other types of instruments and make just the chord progression. If you're playing in a certain key, every note has a chord to go with it. (or play around with them, like D minor diminished, or something fancy). Just advice, I'm starting 2.

Yay! New composer! :D

Kyoku no Nozomi:
Nice intro. You really set the mood for the piece. Work on the harmonics, as Rovski said. Sometimes the notes don't seem to fit with the chord for that moment in the song. I'd do something about that solo section, though. The song loses the interest you gained in the first part of the song. You have some nice chords and phrases closer to the end. Keep that section in your mind for your future compositions. The very end of this song the phrase that you repeat was repeated like one or two times too much. Repition was nice there, just don't overdo it.

Ayumi no Rogan:
Nice melody and chord progression. (That'll be stuck in my head for a while.) However, it seems a bit repetitive again. You had accompianament throughout the whole song, even for the solo section. This shows you're already improving.

The biggest thing I can say is to avoid too much repitition. Repitition is a mechanism for song writing, but add other elements to progress them. Variations in the left hand's part, for example. Even a single note or rhythm change can keep the energy flowing. Keeping it simple is nice for first compositions, but don't be afraid to get carried away cause that makes for an interesting piece. Constant energy and smooth changes in that energy is the key. Keep up the good work! You got my support. ^_^

Well now, well now. I had just finished with revisions to Kyoku no Nozomi, but after reading these new comments, it appears I have more work to do.

Here is the one that I was going to post as the 'revised' version.

Kyoku no Nozomi Update (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/kyoku_no_nozomi_update.mid)

The changes I made were
1) Changed the solo section to a Flute and raised it half an octave. I think it has more life now.

2) Added piano accompaniment to the solo section. The flow of this section isn't regular, but instead I depended on 'key moments' in the Flute solo. It makes for a 'weird' effect I think-- in some places it works well, in others not so well.

3) Changed the final chord (not too sure if that was good or bad)

4) Expanded a rest near the end where the melody shifts from the right to left hand (it now seems to large though...I was trying to emphasize the switch over, but I don't think it worked out too well)

5) Fixed problems with too large rests around the end of the piece.

There are still other various problems, namely when two of the notes in the different tracks don't 'mesh' (for lack of better terminology on my part) well. Also there are the things which were just recently mentioned.

Next on the list is tackling that wretched repetition and smoothing out cords. I'm gonna attempt adding variance to the repeated portions at the end. We'll hear what happens, eh?

Thank you very much for your time and help! :D

Ho ho ho! Well I think I might actually be finished this time!

Kyoku no Nozomi Revision (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/kyoku_no_nozomi_revision.mid)

Changes made:
1) Changed one of the chords in the intro.

2) I think I fixed the disconsonance(sp) in the solo part.

3) I changed some things in the Piano part at the end, including cutting out that giant rest

4) I added a part for the Flute in the end; I think it sounds really good, very exciting I think. :D

I hope that fixes all of the problems, namely the repetition. I might have to go back and spice up the solo itself in a few places though.

Tell me what you think please. :D

Hmmm. No one responded to my last post...but that's okay. Today I made a new song :D . I like the way it sounds, but I think it's lacking a bit of 'structure,' so I'll try and work on that, as well as anything else that you all think needs fixing.

New Song 11-7-04 (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/new_song_11_7_04.mid)

I'm not entirely sure about the first four measures, maybe I could creater a smoother transition into the fifth measure.

Also, how do you change the title of the thread?


Thanks Al.
I added the attachment as well.

Song doesn't download for me . . and you change the title of the the thread by editing your very first post . . I think :think:

Well here's another one although it too is rather short. I plan to make this one longer, as I like it a lot. It was kind oflike an outpouring of emotion, but it's not complete yet.

One problem I'm having is mixing the three instruments together, the flute, violin and piano. To me, the file with all of them together sounds a bit jumbled. However, when I only have the flute and piano or violin and piano (minus the little flute solo and the end) it sounds much more clear to me. I might just have to limit some of the piano elements in the combined version.

Beloved - Combined Version (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/Beloved.mid)

Flute and Violin Version (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/Beloved_flute_and_violin.mid)

Flute and Piano version (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/Beloved_flute_and_piano.mid)

Violin and Piano Version (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/Beloved_violin_and_piano.mid)

I'm also considering changing the ending. I will most likely add much to this song, but for now, tell me what you think please.

The ending's not too bad . . it's how you lead into the ending that needs a bit of work. Let us know it's coming! =)

Combined:
Actually, I think there should be more piano.

Flute/Violin:
Feels kind of empty without a bass.

Flute/Piano:
Piano should do more than just support the flute. Sounds like it's mostly there for the harmony, so maybe you could try to make things move a bit more.

Violin/Piano:
Same comments as for flute/piano . . but I think this pairing is better than above.

Thanks for your time Al; I'll definitely take these things into consideration.
However, what do you mean about making it 'move a bit more', in regards to the flute and piano comment?

Um, I think I meant that you should break down the chords a little bit into a "flowing" accompaniment, from time to time.

Hmmm... I think I might be finished now. Well I made a bunch of changes and a significant addition.

Beloved - Combined (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/beloved.mid)


1) Slowed down the tempo.

2) Added a piano solo.

3) Added a piano and violin duet thingy. When this comes up the the pace changes. I like it.

4) Changed the part before the ending significantly.

5) Changed the ending.

6) Added piano accompaniment throughout the piece, but I didn't put any left hand part after ther first section... I thought it might interfere with the mood I was trying to infect the listener with. I might try it out though--it might give it more body...?

There might be some other things, but I can't think of them right now.

Beloved - Piano Version (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/beloved_piano.mid)

Beloved - Violin and Piano (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/beloved_violin_and_piano.mid)

Beloved - Flute and Piano (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/beloved_flute_and_piano.mid)

Tell me what you all think!!!

Why am I the only one who replies to your songs? :heh:

Combined:

When all three instruments are together, it sounds good, because you get the full-bodied effect (er, my vocabulary is very limited ><) . . usually the violin midi stands out over the flute midi, so I was glad to see that you managed that well. I still think you need to let us know when the ending is coming . . perhaps you could insert a climax beforehand?

That&#39;s a good question. Why are you the only one who replies? Does anyone have an answer?

Thanks :)

Anyway the ending... to me it sounds incomplete because it just sort of comes at you. Maybe it does need a climax. I&#39;ll play around with it and see what happens.

Thanks for your time.

Ah, I have returned. :) I just finished work on &#39;revising&#39; Beloved, changing some stuff around and changing the key to E Major. I think it ssounds better. I also added a part at the end, to show that the end is coming, but I&#39;m not exactly sure how if works out. In the middle, I broke up the violin/piano duet and added mre flute, trying to get a feeling that the flute and violin are commnicating with one another with the piano in the background.

Please let me know what it needs&#33;

Midi:Beloved in E Major (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/Beloved_in_E_Major_final.mid)

I&#39;m also working on revising my first two songs, so they&#39;ll be posted in not too long. :)

-LS Jeffrey

I&#39;m&#39; back again ^_^. I&#39;ve been rather busy with school lately, so I haven&#39;t had much time to finish anything music related.
I do have one from Feb. however, that I just never posted.
I think the transitions in this piece could use a lot of work, among other things, but right now, I&#39;m not really sure how to fix it. So if someone could help me out, it&#39;d be greatly appreciated. :D

i believe your chord doesnt match sometimes. and i think it&#39;ll be better if you have a better beat for the left hand. that&#39;s all i gotta say right now. so basically better chords would darmatically improve your songs. but hey dont take my words since i don&#39;t know much about it. :heh:

I&#39;m not really sure what you mean regarding the chords not matching. I&#39;ll try to improve them redardless though. Thanks.

I agree with yellowmonkey. You need to synchronize the chord and melody in some way, otherwise it&#39;s &#39;broken&#39;. As for harmony/chords, some of them are reminiscent of your Beloved piece, but I guess that&#39;s your style and preference. I also think that sometimes there&#39;s too much going on in the right hand and left hand, so that it&#39;s hard to keep track of the melody. Sometimes simplicity is best, so that people can follow along easier.

After the last song I posted was critiqued, I didn&#39;t even know how to fix it and was rather discouraged (which is why there was no response). Foolish, I know.

Anyway, I decided to try something simple instead of plunging into territory I can&#39;t handle, but the sad thing is, even this was a little hard :( . The good news is I&#39;ll probably be taking a music course at school this fall.

Practice Midi (http://www.geocities.com/kamihanketsu/Music/practice.mid)

The beginning sounds a little like my &#39;Beloved&#39; song, but I decided to go with it anyway.

Thoughts?

Hi,

I really liked your melody. It sounds nice. :)

I&#39;m not very good at theoretical explanations, so I made an organ accompaniment for your melody, more to analyse the piece than to improve on it. I found that you still have the same problem with beat that you had in your others. Since I&#39;m a fledgling composer, too, and I had (and actually still have, sometimes) the same problem, I can relate.

If you listen to my version of your composition for trumpet and organ (see attachment) you may notice that I had to shorten or lengthen or move (and once: add) notes, to make a harmony work. Sometimes your melody is off beat and then adding a harmony isn&#39;t easy.

One example: Bar 4 starts with a quarter rest. I&#39;ve moved that one into the end of bar 3 (making the last note shorter in the process). That&#39;s because the 16th/8th notes lead up to the longer, carrying notes; and it&#39;s those notes that should start a beat (as it&#39;s those notes that should be emphasised by chord changes).

So, now, instead of with a quarter rest, bar 4 starts with the long, carrying note. I&#39;ve shortened this note (which was a dotted half) for a 16th, so I could shift the following note (a 16th) backwards a step. That&#39;s necessary, because, otherwise, the first note of beat 1 of bar 5 (which was beat 2 in bar 5 of your original; the entire piece is a quarter note shorter, now) would be an un-accentuated note (a 16th leading up to the "star of the beat": the long carrying note). So the position of the note in the bars is at odds with it&#39;s function.

There are other changes (not many), but your basic melody should remain in tact.

(Also, I suggest that - especially in the later parts - you add a few rests; I don&#39;t play the trumpet, but I suspect that a real trumpet player as opposed to the midi one would turn blue in the face and collapse for lack of oxygen at the end of the piece. ;) )

I do think that you have an ear for music. All you have to learn is where to put the accents in a bar. This was the most difficult part for me to learn so far (I&#39;m still trying to do proper endings; which is something you&#39;ve already done very well in this one, I&#39;d say.)

Don&#39;t let yourself be discouraged. I really think you&#39;ve got talent and it would be a pity if you quit.

I hope you don&#39;t mind that I&#39;ve messed with your piece; if you do I&#39;ll re-move it. It&#39;s just that I have to look at things in detail to be able to make (hopefully) helpful comments.

REMOVE THAT AT ONCE&#33;&#33;&#33;&#33;

Just kidding.

Wow, thank you very much. Yeah, I&#39;m rythmically challeneged, but that&#39;s a problem I&#39;m trying to overcome. You should see me try to dance&#33; Anyway, I understand your comments, though I&#39;m not sure how to reply. I suppose the best thing to do would be to start on a new practice piece and incorporate it rather than fixing up this song, though I might tweak it a little.

I&#39;d actually considered using the stacattos near the end of the song, but the way Anvil Studio was playing it back, it didn&#39;t sound right. I suppose I ought to get a better composer that can do things like slurs and automatic crescendos. Oh well, I&#39;ll work with what I have now.

Thanks for everything :D .

God Bless.