we need short-stories here at Ichigos. please no more then 20000 words. I know no one will check for 2000 words but it is sorta obvious after a while which is too long. if people want, the author can write more and make a link to a real formated version thats longer. but only if the people want it can you make it longer in the fourm,

Heres mine! :D

There was a time where people could roam the streets with out frear. But as I walked along the dimmly lit streets; which I may add is only lit by the always fading moon in which I dream of visiting for my family live on it; I can feel the tensing muscles along my shoulders, back and mostly my head. I have felt such a nerve recking feeling once before as a small child when my parents left me. But what makes this pain? Was it the empty space in my heart? no......it is somthing more, a dead has found me.

"Hump! How can any one be more stupid?! I said sell it for 100 dollars and nothing less!"
"Im sorry, I thought 16 dollars less would be okay. Im sorry sir, he would only ecsept 84 dollars or else there would be no more buisness from it...im sorr...."
"SORRY?! SORRY ISNT ENOUGH!"
" OW...please stop hurting me sir! I wont do it agian......."
" The hell you wont! get out of my sight and no more feedings for 3 days!"
"BUT I HAVENT EATEN FOR 3 DAYS ALREADY!"
"4! Now leave!"
as I left, I could feal the pang in my stomach. luckly, i stole an apple from that dumpster so the pain isnt as much as it used to be. I walked, and walked becuase that all there was to do. i have no room or house to leave too, well i dont now. my parents left me, along with million of other children so they could populate other planets and even our moon, where my parents and older brother reside. people wonder why we were left, and i asked other for years untill i met my only real friend who was older then most when left, sam.
sam said it was becuase we were children of the dark. we brought the dead back as greater evils. He also said he never herd of such a thing in his life, but if it is untrue, why did they leave us? sam later told me it was becuase of a religious man who stated that this century was the end of all life on earth, becuase of the evil children, and the only way to survive was to leave them. some parents dissagreed and stayed here. b ut most got corruped and turn out to be like sir, my master who makes me consult with his business persons. I would rather die...but i just dont know. is death the answere?
BOOM!
as i herd that noise, i turned slowly, in fear i will see one of them again. slowly i turned..and there it was. the dead are allways hungry for people souls hoping that they will come back to life and be loved, not freared. but the more the dead consume, the more they want and the more powerfull they become. after many consumptions, they will become so great they wont have to be near one of the dark children to arise. yet this is one of the greater deads, becuase i could see his marks on his body, the swarming read circles stateing that it has lived for many centuries hunting the careless.
"Stupid...........child............life.........." hissed the dead as it slowly moved closer with what looked like most of his body under the ground. but i wasnt that stupid or careless. what the religious person didnt know was the dark children had powers to end the deads path of destruction with as little as a clap or whistle, for those sounds produced a white circle - the symbol of blessings. Only the gods were known to have such powers, so perhaps we were gods.
I close my eyes, suck in as much air as i can before the dead got no more then 5 feet away from me and blow a long, even note. it rang with white sparks where ever it went, and that was almost every where in sight. as the sparks hit the dead, a hissing sound very close to the ones that are produced when small amounts of water is being boiled was made.
"uhh........more......powerfull...........then..... ......OTHER!"
as the dead said others, it was released of the backing spell and goes under ground where it is safe from my spells...........................

EDIT: fixed spelling

Good story-line. Nice twist at the end. You've made a few typos but then who doesn't :heh: but there are certain words which are a bit wrong.

Just change:- ecsept to accept (meanings are different - also its spelt except)
buissness to business (spelling)
araise to arise (grammatical)
stateing to stating (not sure if you intended the spelling error,
sorry if you didn't)
wistle to whistle (i'm not sure if yours is the american spelling though)

Some of the sentences could have been split into two because they don't really flow too well e.g


what the religious person didnt know was the dark children had powers to end the deads path of destruction of as little as a clap or wistle, for sounds produced a white circle, the symble of blessings, only the gods were known to have such powers, so i guess we are gods.

.....as a clap or whistle, for those sounds produced a white circle - the symbol of blessings. Only the gods were known to have such powers, so perhaps we were gods.

Good job though. ^_^

There was a story thread stuck somewhere before but I can't remember what it's called. I think they were longer stories though so this thread still works :think:

Originally posted by an-kun@May 26 2005, 09:05 AM
There was a story thread stuck somewhere before but I can't remember what it's called. I think they were longer stories though so this thread still works :think:
The poetry/prose thread?

No something else. The first story had a scene where the girl was at a breakfast table I think.

ooh, nice story ^^

Thanks for the feed back! i liked it too, but............i might write a real story for it and save it for a report or somthing at school...

i have a short story but its accually pretty long. do you think i should post it?

edit: o crap i just saw the thing that says no more than 2000 words. dang

screw it, I changed it to 20000 words