How do you know if someone truly loves you for who you are, and not because of your looks? As my friend once said, their attraction may be what attracts you to the stranger in the first place, but who they are deep inside keeps you attracted to him/her. But is it ever possible for someone to trust that they are truly being loved? On this note, I did some reflecting, and this was what I came up with:

Imagine, if you will, a world of clones. All the boys look the same, all the girls look the same. All the boys look equally handsome, and all the girls look equally beautiful. So therefore, there’s no possible way you can fall in love with someone for their looks . . because you can’t tell them apart!

Of course, not everybody dresses exactly alike. It’s only the physical appearance that is the same from person to person. No no, you are allowed to have your own hair style, your own choice of clothing, piercing, tattoos, etc.

So . . how do you fall in love with somebody? Simple: their personality! How they act, how they think, who they truly are. Essentially, you can only fall in love with someone's inner beauty.

~~

What are your thoughts in general?

i think that liking someone because of their looks is really shallow. you should like someone because of who they are, not how they look. although, i must admit, you do notice people who look 'better' alot more then people who don't try with their looks at all. however, i think that if looks is the sole reason for liking someone, it shouldn't ever be like that.

I think it's shallow too. Sure, people check others out. And if they end up together, that's great, congrads for them. I just don't think that if that's the case, they're together for their looks. I believe that's just a plus.

How does a person fall in love? I believe it's when you've learn to accept the person's faults along with the goods. No body in this world is perfect but once you've learned to accept it all, you end up feeling as if their perfect... for you.

It just happens. its kidna hard to control

i think it just happens whether u like it or not, but to love for someone just for their looks? that's just sad. it should be for who they are inside, their good and bad qualities too

Not meaning to sound cold and emotionless but I do remember an episode of "Catalyst" (science show) where it was explained that love is just another function of the brain designed to further the human race.

Let's say there was somebody with the perfect personality and heart, but on the outside they were the ugliest you can possibly imagine. Can you still love that person even though you can't stand to look at them?

Edit: Yes, scientifically, someone who's attractive is better seen by our brains to be healthier, and thus more capable to propagate our species. There is that . .

I think its okay for someone to go for their looks, but for personality aswell. Afterall it its pretty natural for someone to initally notice someones looks.
If looks are the only thing a person went for then I think would be shallow.

It would be interesting to consider how many people who say that love should be about personality believe in love at first sight. That would discount their views or logically they would be forced to admit that the love couldn't really be love.

oh, i think that looks play a big role, they just shouldn't be the entire reason behind going for someone

But it's still just as valid to go for someone when you have never met them. I personally think that it is find to go for someone because of their looks. As long as you don't profess to have any deeper feelings or delude yourself or the other person into thinking you do. You have to be honest about that fact.

Imagine, if you will, a world of clones.

I don't know... I mean, a big part of our personality is shaped from the way we look in the first place. A girl that knows she's pretty will be completely different from one that's "not sure", so i think that in your world the personalities will be too similar...

Sure, attraction is what first catches your eye, but the more time you spend with that person, the less you start seeing her as a body and more as a 'soul'. For example, one of my faults is that i can never see if the person i experience deep feeling for is pretty. I just can't. Whenever I look at her to find out, my eyes don't function - as i everything is blurry lol. Love Blinds people, and I am proof that its true

i can never see if the person i experience deep feeling for is prettyyou could always ask someone else. second opinions are always a good way to go XD

I think it can't be denied that many people do "fall in love" because they find the other attractive-looking. But if a relationship stays at 2 people having physical attraction for each other, the initial attraction will fade off eventually,and it wouldn't last. On the other hand, if the couple gets to know each other better,and learn to accept each other's faults and whatever, then initial physical attraction may also develop into love. So there isn't really a clear line i think.

Then there are other cases( like um Alone's :P ), when a person falls in love with someone's personality, and then the person can never tell whether it's just his/her feelings making the other look good to his/her perception, or if that person is really good-looking. This might also be love. But it might also be that you do not really know the person as well as you think you do, so it might also not exactly be love. :sweat:

But it might also be that you do not really know the person as well as you think you do

I think I wouldn't too far off saying that we never know people as well as we think we do...

Let's say there was somebody with the perfect personality and heart, but on the outside they were the ugliest you can possibly imagine. Can you still love that person even though you can't stand to look at them?

I wonder, whether this scenario is possible at all? See, the evaluation of both personality and looks is subjective. And often we don't really know what we're going for; or we might be mistaken. I think, there's an intricate relation between looks and personality, and I think they enhance each other. (Pretty people are more likely to be seen as having a good personality, and people with a good personality are more likely to be seen as pretty.)

Plus, Hygiene, Style (hairdo, clothes, tatoos etc.), body language... all those factor in with physical attraction; yet they are expressions of the personality underneath.

Deformities (burnt skin, facial paralysation, etc.) are random; but in my experience these cease to be a factor if you talk to them more than 15 minutes. (Unless, the people bore you or annoy you; in which case the deformities are augmented.)

Something related: I once saw a documentation on breast implants. A girl with small breasts had them augmented. Although I hated what she'd done to her breasts, the operation had given her a new confidence that showed in her eyes and in her body language. As a result of the operation, the girl became more attractive, but her breasts were ruined. It was very confusing.

***


Imagine, if you will, a world of clones.

It exists. Monocellular organisms. They have no use for attraction at all. They just eat and split in two.

Answere this: Would you love someone whos dearly obease, smells really bad and has rotting, plaqe covered teeth? Really people, you all try to act sensative and right, but everyone is like that no matter what they post on a forum. You can still love their personality, but it takes a physical attraction to make love. 1 + 0 doeant equal 2, and you all know it.

But you don't have to bash them over the head with it RD. It's not going to make them listen to you. They're actually likely to resist you even more!

The obease, smells really bad and has rotting, plaqe covered teeth or the people who are active on this thread? If its the people on this thread, fine...:Cries:

Well, its the truth. You can call it shallow, but you cant resist what happens.

I'm not disagreeing with you. I am just pointing out that you can catch more butterflies with honey than vinegar and if you use bug spray they will just run. And I know I am completely shredding that proverb but I'll survive.

Unless you have a bug net, you can catch a bunch of butterflies with one of those...

okay, another thing.

You can hate someones personality with a bloody passion, but his/her looks is just so sexy and erotic. You cant stand it. You may hate him/her, but you will still have a physical attraction. Its the vice-versa of the other thing, but is this one shallow? No, but its hypocrytical XD

i know all this is true, i just try and not focus on it. however, i would not be interested in someone who was obese and who smelt bad with rotting teeth, and thats the truth.

I think the part about bad rotting teeth says something about personal hygiene, says something about the person's personality. :sweat: Oh and you might hate someone's personality but still be attracted by his/her looks, but you know that's definitely not love there. So that would not be a problem.

"I'm a vain and shallow person, and that's why looks are very important for me. Everyday, I spend at least half an hour in front of the mirror before I go out, and I couldn't care less about people that don't put enough effort into their physical self-presentation. I know many people that are as vain and shallow as I am, if not more, and there are as many losers and winners as the "non-peacock" crowd.

But as a peacock, I prefer to stay with my kind; there are enough hawt bois and grrls to go around without having to interact with lesser species."

Sounds familiar?

Unless you have a bug net, you can catch a bunch of butterflies with one of those...

okay, another thing.

You can hate someones personality with a bloody passion, but his/her looks is just so sexy and erotic. You cant stand it. You may hate him/her, but you will still have a physical attraction. Its the vice-versa of the other thing, but is this one shallow? No, but its hypocrytical XD

Heh. Just forget about him/her. I've been in that situation once and I didnt really do anything.

Lol I haven't read anyones answer so that mines won't be influenced. There is nothing that can allow you to know this . You either know or you don't, if you have to question yourself about the subject odds are they don't really love you. Try not to confuse present and future though, sometimes someone will not love you until a later time while you have loved them through the whole thing. In the same way should you look at things vice versa, you might find that someone who loves you does the things to merit you to love them back in later times. (lol now I will read everyone elses answer)

thats the way to do it, diamond!

well, my views have already been expressed by a couple ppl already so,...meh

Looks can distort someone's perception of you. If you're pretty/handsome, then someone might feel an attraction and distort their perception of your personality to a more favourable one.

Proper love involves personality with or without looks i think.

How does one come to love another? Because if you love someone for their personalities, then you're bound to fall in love with all your friends, because they're your friends and the reason they're your friends is because they're nice ^.^;.

Anyways, this is just "scenarios". In a (very indirect) way, this topic involves morality. Also note, that what one says they WOULD do in a situation, might not be what they acutually do in the situation. So there is a diff between reasoning and behaving.

(btw, i'm 12. and i've never fallen in love so, xD i'm this shallow lil kid who fails it)

How does one come to love another? Because if you love someone for their personalities, then you're bound to fall in love with all your friends, because they're your friends and the reason they're your friends is because they're nice ^.^;.


wow. :blink: u have a point...

yeah I agree too. Love is something that happens it is not determined by much of anything. Its just like the probablilty of an event 0 or 1.

"Love" is such a strong a word......

and americans here toss it around as if it's nothing. o.0

I suppose love is and overused word. xD People shoudl start using "like" more often. "I like you" xD

I've known a lot of people who ended up going out with their best friends, and then ruined that relationship, as well as the friendship. I'm 16 (yay, finally) and can't technically say I've been in 'love', but I'm definetly in a rather interesting relationship right now. So tell me what you think of this:

In grades 5-7, I admit to being a bit of a bully, but only to these two guys. Now, I never cared about my appearance what so ever until about grade 8, and would always just wear sweats and tshirts, even to school dances. (I'm a girl by the way) Now, a couple years later, one of the guys I beat up is one of my best friends, and the other one is my boyfriend. The weirdest part, for me anyway, is the fact that I know that he used to like me during the time period where I was beating him up (more like chasing him around the field, he's just kind of irritating that way...). Since I didn't care, or do anything about my looks, I'm going to assume that it wasn't look based, but my personality towards him wasn't the greatest either. So what would you define that as?

Just because you say you weren't concerned about your looks doesn't mean people won't find you attractive. Now for the time old adage, beauty is in the eye of the beholder.

oh god, that stupid saying may suck, but it is true (and we all know about that, aye pifish?)

It's not a stupid saying, it's perfectly valid and like you say it is true. Also, what are you saying? What do I know about?

EDIT:
Looks can distort someone's perception of you. If you're pretty/handsome, then someone might feel an attraction and distort their perception of your personality to a more favourable one.


Of course looks change people's opinion of you, I believe it's called (at least in the case of good looking people) the halo effect.

(btw, i'm 12. and i've never fallen in love so, xD i'm this shallow lil kid who fails it)

Well, you've made a really good point to all the older people, so it goes to show that your age doesn't really matter. I never thought of it that way. :think:

How does one come to love another? Because if you love someone for their personalities, then you're bound to fall in love with all your friends, because they're your friends and the reason they're your friends is because they're nice

do you mean that to say that out your friends (opposite gender), you never thought "isn't she wonderful/cute/etc." after an interesting conversation, and then quickly said to yourself "no!!! we re just friends!"

in my experience that happens a lot, and i can't say that all of them are super-good-looking...

True love is when you love some one as mutch as you love yourself, you cannot hae real love without love for yourself. To prove my piont, what would you do to feel happy? Anything, right? You'll do what ever it takes to feel happy, so when you will do anything to make that other person happy, that is love. What would you do to keep yourself from getting hurt, emotionaly and physicaly? Anything, right? Humans do not like pain, I don't care what you say, nobody likes to get hurt. So when you will do anything to keep that other person from getting hurt in any way, that is love.
Love comes in all differet forms, little do you know, you love your friends, you have feelings for them, and if you are a true friend, then these things come into practice, maybe subcontiosly, but it still is there.

Actually true love is when you love someone MORE than yourself. I think that's what you meant anyway but I felt like I had to correct you. :heh:

True love is wanting to give up everything for someone else.

I've always wondered if love is a feeling or an ideal concept, a state of self in which you are selfless. Does love actually cover the emotions it's supposed to? XDXD I can't really explain it very well. Love to me, is just a noun.

love does happen, but what hurts is falling out of love. it seems to me to be double the sacrifice for nothing...

Despite many saying that true look should not be based on looks. Oddly, I have the impression that humans are more attracted to people that look like them, which explain why some married couples look really alike.

in psychology its called the matching hypothesis. we go for those who we feel are as attractive as us.

I think love just happens whether u want it to or not.

well rite now, at my current age, its difficult to tell whether what i feel for someone is love or just an infatuation....

or an obssession or curiosity

or all of the above. it could happen.

There might be a way to kick out curiousity. Imagine whoever you like to be 70 years old, if you think you are able to stand seeing that face everday of your life, all I can say is that you can accept commitments or that your imagination skills just managed to erased all the possible flaws. OKay, this might not work if you are curious how the person looks when he/she is old.

depends on how u look at it. but i think most 'love' is an infatuation or an obssession or a partial feeling towards someone. love is used so much for so many things, e.g advertisements, selling, etc. that it's hard to define exactly wat love is.

I feel like I'm in love... He has the most wonderful personality: he's intelligent, funny (but he knows when to be serious), and he sings and plays the piano so beautifully.... Plus, he looks gorgeous. ^///^

Hmm... Getting a little carried away there! Anyway, I feel that no matter what anyone says, it is impossible to "love" someone unless you are attracted to him/her mentally and physically. If you are physically attracted to someon, but not mentally attracted, you experience a deeply satisfying lust. >_> That's very hard to get rid of... I had a crush on this guy at my school for SO long, and I didn't even know his name-- much less get to know him. O_O However, if one finds a person's personality to be desirable, but the person him/herself is utterly repulsive on the exterior, that is simply a mental infatuation. Those are very crude designations, but you do need a combination of mental infatuation and lust in order for a loving relationship to grow.

...And all this is coming from someone witha nonexistant love-life! ^^;

Looks are almost ALWAYS going to be a part of the attraction! Some people like short, some people like tall, fat, skinny, odd, child-ish. All tastes are different. One can never really know, even if it is yourself sometimes, if you like the person solely for their personality. What if they were the opposite of what they are now? Would you have been attracted? Anyway...

Everyone has a different perception of beauty, thus a different perception for "ugliness' as well. With the great diversity in the world it is impossible for someone to be viewed as ugly be everyone. Of course physical appearance has a lot to do with it, and if you say otherwise, you're lying or just trying to make yourself seem not shallow. But when you think about it, since all humans are shallow in that respect, you can consider that "normal".

Lov... very touchy, depends on what you even define love as. Some people say love is wanting to spend the rest of your life with someone, others say it's doing anything to keep that person happiest (which could mean breaking up with you if you were going out).

Believe it or not, most of love is manipulation. If you can manipulate them enough, then they're all yours. (Don't think of me as evil for saying that, cause if they loved you anyway, then so what right?)

But how can you tell if they love you? First you should be sure that you actually love the person first. Stupid as it sounds it has happened to too many of my friends, they thought they were in love and then weeks later then were like "oh..."

If you really get to know a person, and you tell them you love them, and they say it back, you should be able to tell if they're lyinh or not.

I found out something on attraction, a scientist or someone found out that mostly the main attraction to a person is thier eyes, like you can like someone just by how far apart or what color thier eyes are.

^ Interesting ^ (maybe that's why the anime "style" tends to be so attractive - with so much emphasis being placed on the characters' eyes :P)


Let's say there was somebody with the perfect personality and heart, but on the outside they were the ugliest you can possibly imagine. Can you still love that person even though you can't stand to look at them?

Edit: Yes, scientifically, someone who's attractive is better seen by our brains to be healthier, and thus more capable to propagate our species. There is that . .

I'm pretty sure that for the most part, no - both the "nuture" and "nature" developmental sides would be against it. First of all, instinctive urges would strongly make you shy away from such thoughts - your body more or less "knows" that mixing genes with this person isn't going yield a pretty result. Second of all, society/culture has a great deal to say about a person's attractiveness, and at least the basics of it has been tightly beaten into your head at some impressionable age.

But then again, culture is often shaped by biological circumstances, particular ly taboos. After all, something like incest is viewed very negatively because biologically it produces defective results. So it's probably no surprise that society's ideas on attraction are met with more agreement with one's instinctive attractions than not.

As for love, I tend to think of it as complex state of being, consisiting of a variably desireable mix of other states of being such as respect, trust, acceptance, etc. Or perhaps, the other states of being are only fragments of the feeling of love, and truly can only be defined with respective to love? ......who knows :P.

well... the ONLY thing u can fall for them,, IS BY PERSONALITY?? common sense isnt it?! HOW ELSe?

I'd say physical appearance plays ore a factor at first, especially when you just meet someone, because you don't know their personality yet, but you do know their physical appearance.

I wish I could fall in love I think that it sounds a little painful though. Doesn't it? I mean Hello you're falling what happens when you hit the bottom? Anyways I have a question do any of you guys beleive in love at first sight? I honestly would have to say that I don't because to truly love somebody you should know them a little bit better than just what they look like. Right?

That is very true Al. Knowing someone is different from knowning how they look. Expecially in that situation, it's very oddening.

and also, heaps of pplz claim they know sum1, but all they know is how they look like and their name, and wat their rep is. but falling in love at first sight? i don't believe in that.

^^^

Hmm, if i like someone it would have to be largely due to their personality. however, i will also be lying if i said looks isn;t involved lols.

yer, i like somoene becasue of how they act, and how they do their little special stuff to make you feel like "the one" o.O

yer, i will also say that an important part for me would be like, the feeling of being yourself, where you don;t have to act or be someone that you aren't, just be yourself with minimal secerts. i would say the largest part of "liking someone" would be the feeling that you get while together hehe.

thats all~

If you are not sure...either this is not the person for you or they need to step up and change the way they treat you. You guys need to talk this out. No harm in bringing it up,.

u can never be completely sure

Really nobody will refuse a really good-looking boy/girl would they if their personality was normal.

I'm a bit odd when it comes to this topic. I tend to fall for peoples personalities, and then when I'm really that into them, he starts to look really cute and hot etc, but of course he hasn't changed one bit, so I think I do fall in love with their personality, and to me that guy is the best looking guy in the world, even though my friends say otherwise.

Personality wise, I would like to be with a Mr Darcy from Pride and Prejudice.

Well i think that If you like someone for their looks isn't that great coz not everybody's pretty or perfect. Most of the population isn't well you know beautiful. Even if they're not pretty go for their inner beauty. I mean why is there such thing called soul mates if you don't see what they're truly are inside?

You cannot deny the fact that what you see first is his/her physical attractions. You can try to act as moraly right as you can, but everyone has lust for lookers when they come and go.

But after a while, their looks dont really matter because you get used to seeing a fimilar face, and its the personality that comes out later. But your not going to go out with someone with no hygene at all, even if your and their personality click. Its just human nature to judge books by a cover first.

yeah, so true. i know this really good looking person, but once i got to know his real personality.. bye bye admiration

I had the opposite problem. My ex had a sweet personality, but he didn't take care of himself at all. I managed to overlook it for a while, but eventually I was totally grossed out.

I think that first and foremost you should fall in love with someone's heart, but if they can't practice common, simple hygiene, it should send up little red warning flags in your mind.

OMG I totally agree with my twin (I lovelove sugar) people that can keep themselves clean is always a plus and even better is if they have facial hair and they are willing to shave it OFF. (Just a suggestion to the fellas if ya wanna get the ladies you must shave, scruffies hurt!!)

^_^ Yeah, I have to agree with you on that one. But really, if you don't keep yourself looking decent, you send your significant other the impression that they're not worth cleaning up for.

hmm... I don't know I don't talk to most people in person when they ask my advice. My phonebills get crazy. I take care of myself, but it's just to keep up appearances. I've been posting on Ichigos the past weeks so I think I better slow down and get back to comissions and such. Appearance in a relationship is also about comfort and acceptace just like every other part. I'd have to say though that personalities are more important since they connect you more emotionally than a tangible expression ever could.

Of cuz personality is more important than the looks! Love at first sight does happen, but to me, i guess that feeling would only last for a few minutes. ^.^

Well you can pretty much clear up the argument by looking at the ratio of the number of people who've fallen for you for your looks, and the number of people who've fallen for your personality.

But half the people wont admit they fell for someone because of their looks

I 'm talking about the people who fall for you, not the people you fall for.

When people say love at first sight thay really mean lust at first sight.but appearances have alot to do with personality. Think if somebody doesn't care for life I dought you would see somebody wereing a redcross uniform and such. so you can kindof know alittle by just looking at somebody.

*nods* That was what I was getting at.