To the citizens of the United States of America:

In the light of your failure to elect a proper President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part.

Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix "ize" will be replaced by the suffix "ise". You will learn that the suffix 'burgh is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up "vocabulary". Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up "interspersed". There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows.

When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use
bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of "-ize".

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to Cockney, upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents – Scottish dramas such as "Taggart" will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in England.

The name of the county is "Devon". If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become "shires" e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as "Men Behaving Badly" or "Red Dwarf" will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, "God Save The Queen", but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American "football". There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American "football" is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays "American" football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full Kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America. Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable.

Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called "rounders" which is baseball without fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

7. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in England . It will be called "Indecisive Day".

8. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect and without the benefit of conversion tables. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

9. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French; they are Belgian though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are properly called "crisps". Real chips are thick cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

10. As a sign of penance 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts, this quantity to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

11. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all, it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as "beer", and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as "Lager".

The substances formerly known as "American Beer" will henceforth be referred to as "Near-Frozen Knat's Urine", with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as "Weak Near-Frozen Knat's Urine". This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

12. From December 1st the UK will harmonise petrol (or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $1.50/litre - get used to it).

13. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

14. Please tell us who killed JFK. It's been driving us crazy.

Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Where did you find this?

how long did it take you to type all this, or did you just copy and past it?

I doubt he really made this himself. x_X

It's definatly a Copy-Paste job.

(or "Gasoline" as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005)
It's past that date. Long past.

funny as hell though

Of course a copy and paste! I could not think of all this on my own, me being American and not knowing what UK'ers think like...

*just thought it was funny*

i feel a strong need to agree with this ^_^
especially U.S. english... my Word gets set to it constantly, why is it defult setting for a british copy. the pronouciation Aluminium actualy does drive me mad

Hmm....I officially consider myself and Irish citizen from this day forth

Ireland ain't part of the UK though. Except for the Northern bit.

yes sulfur is spelt sulphur dammit!

yes sulfur is spelt sulphur dammit!

*gasp*

I'm going to have to kill my science teacher! :torch:

My reply to this:
First off, if you are from South Western Pennsylvania, you know the city is not pronounced "Pittsburgh", but more like "Pixsburg". Here you may go "Dawntawn" to see THE SUPER BOWL CHAMPIONS STEELER'S play (had to throw that in). Also, the only football is what you call American football, anything else is just plain old SOCCER! Finally, we Americans pronounce all words 100% correct, it is the British who need to get their pronouncing right.
What we Americans say goes because lets look at the score board
Remember we kicked some polite English rear end in the revolutionary war. We can destroy the world 10 times over. I do believe that in WWI and WWII it was the Americans who saved the British and rebuilt there factories and such to give them the prosperity they have today.

That feels much better. LOL.:lol:

Er- We have an anti-britt in the thread...

Er- We have an anti-britt in the thread...
No, no not at all.

*Goes up to random British person and gives him/her a hug*

Nothing wrong with the British, hey I'm even 25% British. Though I am also 75% German (Why can't anyone pronounce my last name, Schleicher? Its not hard, I've been saying it since I was a wee little boy SH-LIKE-ER, but anyway...) which is were this stubbornness may come from. It was just a rebuttal, nothing more.

LoL. But it is true that the U.S. can control the world if they felt like it. XD

lol, i think it'll take alot more than just feeling like it

What we Americans say goes because lets look at the score board
Remember we kicked some polite English rear end in the revolutionary war. We can destroy the world 10 times over. I do believe that in WWI and WWII it was the Americans who saved the British and rebuilt there factories and such to give them the prosperity they have today.

So being a bully should make us feel happy how? And the state is pronounced how its spelled, Pittsburgh. You do know that the all-weird American accents never exsisted in the 1750s-1800? Meaning the original way of saying it is how people said it back then. And (many - all) people back then had an English accent. And with all that in light, we pronounce it the way it spelled.

An example. Oregon, the state. Here*, we say Or-ee-gin. Yet, if you dont live on the west you say Or-ee-gone. Do people on the East say it wrong? No, they just say it how its spelled. (tell all your East coast friends its pronounced Oregin btw).

*Here as in I live Or-ee-gin.

1) Remember we kicked some polite English rear end in the revolutionary war. 2)We can destroy the world 10 times over. 3)I do believe that in WWI and WWII it was the Americans who saved the British and rebuilt there factories and such to give them the prosperity they have today.



1) That's why politeness is hard to be found in America
2) If you're proud of that you're an utter fucktard (But if you're not proud of it you'll get away with it, if you're ashamed of it, be proud of being ashamed of America's stupidity < if you understand that you don't qualify for the America Test)
3) Thank you for that, but I'm not sure if I like Bush much better than Hitler to be honest. Of course that's bullcrap but things you did 60 years ago don't give you the right to screw up the world now.

So you judge a whole by one? Bush may be a turd some times, but theres are some good actions in there. And then there are the great presidents of the past that people love to over look just to crap on the current one.

And do you even understand how our government works? I doubt it. Hell, many people in in the country they hate dont even know how it works, and they use terms like impeach in wrong places! Like people say that Buch needs to be impeached, for they just dont like him. But for him to be impeached a greater law must be broken and congress must vote on it. Yet, Bush hasnt broken any laws in the almost 5 years he has been in office.

Now, going to Iraq was, in my opinion, a good idea. We may not konw if it was for oil or what ever, but we have the choice of putting works in Bushs mouth. If we leave now, the pending civil war there wont be pending anymore. By the way the terrorist are acting, we can easly say theres a civil war right now. The only thing thats keeping the terrorist from pushing their own dictatorship into action is the forign armies there.

So lets just leave and let the country kill it self.

And you can also say that all this wouldnt have happened if Bush haddent sent troops there. True, but how it was before wasnt that much better. Might have been worse. There wernt any weapons of mass distructions yet. There were chemical bombs that were already used tested on people just because.

I said what I wanted. Now, can you say why Bush is almost as bad as Hitler (useing the two in the same sentance is just idiotic. No matter how much you hate Bush, I dont think that he will compare to Hitler in evil. Unless your crazy and just stupid, which I dont think you are..? You did just say "I'm not sure if I like Bush much better than Hitler" though.)

Double post.

Again, all I ment was fun and games. I didn't mean to upset anyone. I really didn't mean to offend anyone or start any bickering about politics. my bad.:(

My post wasn't meant to be all serious either. Unfortunately we have an RD who gets offended at everything you say =_=

*random Aussie ambles in*

Bloody hell mate, it's getting weird in here.

Haha, you all hear about that thing about saying "where the bloody hell are ya?" ad for Australia. Wheeeeew, big controversy. Bloody is like an edjective to most things XD

Hey Porsche man, don't worry about RD, he's just ....no, that would be mean. But true. No attention seekers please kthxbyeliekomg.

*sits and watches*

*points and laughs at the appropriate people*

*continues to sit and watch, with popcorn in his hand*

My post wasn't meant to be all serious either. Unfortunately we have an RD who gets offended at everything you say =_=

If your not serious then why put "To be honest"? And why even post if you arnt being serious? Wouldnt you get offended if I compared Hitler to somone you look up to (fyi, I dont look up to Bush, I just dont think he is as bad as people say).

bump

Can't we all just get along?

If your not serious then why put "To be honest"? And why even post if you arnt being serious? Wouldnt you get offended if I compared Hitler to somone you look up to (fyi, I dont look up to Bush, I just dont think he is as bad as people say).

Hey, mister selective reader, check again:


I'm not sure if I like Bush much better than Hitler to be honest. Of course that's bullcrap

Seriously, everytime you post you manage to amaze me by showing just how fucking stupid you are.


And why even post if you arnt being serious?

If people aren't allowed to post stuff that's not serious, then why did you post this fucking topic in the first place? See my previous statement on your stupidity.

You guys are all being way too over sensitive. If you don't like what Angelic has to say, don't read it. Don't care about what he says. Ignore it! If you let it get to you you'll only make matters worse. Otherwise, read what Angelic has to say and just take that as his opinion. You don't have to make a comment and go all crazy about it. Everyone has their opinions and not everyone has to agree.

If everyone started flaming at every bloody comment that doesn't suit them we may as well call this forum "Let's all flame at each other!" Jeez. Like SOndagger said, but if you have to take everything so seriously and get offended by almost everything, just shut up. It gives everyone a headache.

RD, just shut up. I don't care, shut up. You keep whining at Angelic when all he's dong is offering a comment and you provoke him further. You don't like him, he doesn't like you. En of story. Just leave each other alone.

Angelic, you have your own opinions, other people may not like them. But replying to them will only give them attention and they will go on and on and on and on and on. You don't want that. They do. They /like/ it when you reply to them because it makes them feel special and all "Oooh, the big scary admin is paying attention to me! OOoooh, he thinks I'm stuooopid. I'll show him stoopid!" I don't hate you or think of you as a bad person, in fact, you can be a really good person, just sometime you also get a little carried away.

Everyone, I don't have particular nasty feelings about many people on this forum, and please don't think of me as to having them. But it annoys me when people get all like that, whingey and attention seeking. This forum is supposed to be a nice happy place, but there are people who just don't know how to act mature, sensible, whatever. Ok, we all have our moments but don't dwell on them. Get over it! It's not like they're going to show up at your door with a pie to throw in your face, they're probably on the other side of the world. So don't take everything so bloody seriously! Be happy! Stress free!

Sit down, and shut up. You know how people say "If you don't have something nice/worthwhile to say, don't say it at all." Yeah, try to remember it somtimes ok?

Although, sometimes it's good to vent. SOMETIMES.

I could say more, but I'm not going to. I just hope people read this and think for once.

HAhaha! I'm free from British Tyranny! I live in UTAH!!!

I don't like Bush, though. Noo-kiew-lur!

BTW: You have the right to remain silent, AND you have the right to be offended, but in most first world countries these days, you have the right to say whatever the heck you want, too. Speaking of these rights, that's one of the reasons why we went into Iraq. I feel like the decisions made there haven't been the best, but we have made a difference, and we have helped people. It's too bad that some people don't see the value in what the US has done, including terrorists.

It's too bad that some people don't see the value in what the US has done, including terrorists.
ummm, hasnt bush cut the help for schooling for those low in cash, and the head start program? hasnt he totaly ignored Global warming.

I know i get a twisted perspective here, but please show me a positive.

If by terrorists you mean creating them, then thanks ^_^

It's too bad that some people don't see the value in what the US has done, including terrorists.

I'm 100% sure that most of the terrorists that threaten us these days wouldn't be terrorists if the US hadn't been there.

I will admit that America has had positive contributions, however . . .

http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/4805952.stm

LIEKOMGETFBBQ?

Hmm.. I never liked that guy. He is just a bit crazy diffrent with his ideas. And way to open with them *like me? yes* But hey, his hate mail, not mine.



I'm 100% sure that most of the terrorists that threaten us these days wouldn't be terrorists if the US hadn't been there.

And when I think about it its true as far as I know. But I dont think its right to base your opinion of a whole country, government and people, by the actions of one, especialy if they were of the past. I dont really enjoy how our government works myself, but were only human and corruption is in everyone. Like you said before, no one judges Germany on Hitlers actions, so why do the same for America?


ummm, hasnt bush cut the help for schooling for those low in cash, and the head start program? hasnt he totaly ignored Global warming.

Not true. I dont think the No Student Left Behind act works like that. From what my teachers say, we get more money now. But I personly dont worry about how much money a school receives. On a night news special (either Nightline or 20/20) they were comparing schools from other countries to the US and schools in the US to others in the US.

In the special they shows a low fund school that is spacificly made for low fund. They spend less money on things like cafateria workers, janitors and a track and pay the teacher a bit more. And because of more teacher-student interaction the schools average test scores are higher then the countries test average.

Then they showed a school that won a law suit for millions and millions because it was "poor". But not nearly as poor as the low fund school. And with the money the school built olympic size swimming pools with diving boards, fancy lunch services and what-crap. In exchange their low test scores went lower because the student obviously, from how they acted on camera, just didnt care *more*. So I think money does matter, but it just doent mean crap when it gets to a point.

And yes, he doesnt belive about global warming XD

~

Im just wondering, but doesn anyone see any problem with any other countries other than Americas?

Of course other countries have problems, all of them do it's just everyone these days seems to enjoy bashing America.

its because its a big economical power, and when they do anything we feel ther affter effects.
In the UK we complain about europe and thier treatment of our meat exports, we complain about the common agricultural bill.

And in regard to american schooling, in every scientific based industry (like chemicals) the americal degrees are not in as high a regard. it extends to alot of other areas. to be fair though some of the computer courses are of a high caliber

*drops head into hands and begins muttering to self*

For crying out loud, can't we have just one site online where there's no president-bashing? Please, please, for all of our sakes, let's discuss the metric system or spelling things with a U or how much AIM-speak needs to die a horrible death, but leave President Bush out of this.

How can we leave him out of anything if he wants in on everything?

Not true.

How can you not discuss it when the country with most nuclear weapons gets a moron for a president?

Moron, possably, but not crazy.

http://www.intergalacticjester.com/uploaded_images/kim-jong-il.jpg

You shouldn't have even been allowed to see that movie Radical Dreamer.

From what my teachers say, we get more money now.

Have you ever wondered why we get more money? Because the poor are robbed from taxes. Same with everyone else, wait no- except the rich. And who decided that? Bush.

Moron, possably, but not crazy.

http://www.intergalacticjester.com/uploaded_images/kim-jong-il.jpg

I think Kim Jong Il is smarter than Bush.


And when I think about it its true as far as I know. But I dont think its right to base your opinion of a whole country, government and people, by the actions of one, especialy if they were of the past. I dont really enjoy how our government works myself, but were only human and corruption is in everyone. Like you said before, no one judges Germany on Hitlers actions, so why do the same for America?

Because, you moron, Hitler did his stuff 60 years ago and nowadays people don't blame Germany anymore (except for some people who keep having grudges). Bush is doing his stupid shit RIGHT NOW

See the difference? You're such a fucking moron RD, you don't read, you don't listen, you don't do anything except being a stupid idiot. Stop posting, for fuck's sake.

You didn't read what I posted, did you RD? Angelic just proved that point too.

See the difference? You're such a fucking moron RD, you don't read, you don't listen, you don't do anything except being a stupid idiot. Stop posting, for fuck's sake.
:huh:



:lol:

See the difference? You're such a fucking moron RD, you don't read, you don't listen, you don't do anything except be a stupid idiot. Stop posting, for fuck's sake.

I don't think that will make a conceited idiot like him leave, just make him try harder (with any luck he'll work on his spelling and grammar).

COLD BLOODED

whoah whoah whoah!!!!

Why is everyone being so aggressive?

Everyone chill, some members may be more ignorant than others but cut them some slack already. Be a man....do the right thing!

How can you cut some slack when someone is making this forum lose it's intelligence?

Otherwise, we could all just ignore RD. Or delete his posts.