I need help badly :(

Its kinda better, dont know untill you tell me.
Please pronounce it O-ni-one not onion :unsure:

Here's a suggestion for your music:

I noticed a lot of randomness in your music. Try and pick a simple chord progression or little melody that sounds good. Then repeat it and use some repetition in your music to give a flow. You want your music to have something that people will be humming after the song is over. Something to remember. With the song you posted, there is not repetition and nothing for the listener to remember after the piece is done. Make sure that your rhythm goes along with your melody and that your chords and melody go together also. Keep it up man, you'll be a master in no time!

Yes... I see lots of randomness. When you have something in your head, punch in the notes - but don't settle for anything less than what was in your head. At least the second was better. ;)

Well, I have on thing to say in opposition to what other people have said; you don't need to have a memorable melody that you can hum along to for it to be a good song. For example, impressionist composers would often try to make it so that you COULDN'T hum/sing their songs, so as to force you to look at the song as a whole, to feel the whole mood, and so as to make it less clear cut, and sometimes even less real.

About your compositions, they weren't very smooth, and in the parts where there wasn't any rhythmic interest, it was often overly cacophonous. You should try out a song where you focus more on finding pleasing harmonies (or if you aren't going for pleasing, at least...fitting the mood of the piece) rather than trying to create a rhythm. Later, you can combine them. Another problem I had was that the entrances and exits of some of the instruments were very jarring, and that needs to be worked on.

Bottom line: work a little more from the bottom up instead of trying pieces with so much going on in them.