Hey this is the first song I ever wrote. I am asking you to be brutal! thank you:P 4773

I thought it was good because of the title, but it was terrible. I imagined the song was played on a cruise ship... Half way through the ship sunk like the Titanic.

Well, tips?

The melody is fine with me. However the structure and chords in the piece is very eccentric. Avoid using repetitive 5ths and octaves. Re-organise the rhythm and phrases in the piece, it is too random now. And the melody line seems to be unclear, most probably due to the weird accompaniment.

Chords are a bit repetitive. Add some movement in the bass part, like what you did to the right hand part at meas. 40.

ignore renzbteves Desaya, he's just being an asshole picking on beginners.
Hm, you should try to avoid using parallel fifths in the accompany all the time. It's like one of the big taboos in music ;P It still sounds rather random (as most compositions sound when you just started composing), so try to work out a distinguishable melody. Keep practising! Everyone starts off at this level and of course with growing experience you'll get the hang of it :) I recommend, you read the composition tutorials here on Ichigos, they're very neat.

Thanks guys! This will help a lot! I know I suck and this is my first song. But my piano teacher is giving me lessons in music theory so I promise it will get better!
I know the theory I just don't know how to put it all together...:heh:

Make it simple, write out the melody clearly, and start with simple chordal accompaniments which harmonizes. U can break them up later. Variations can then be made once the piece had a basic structure.

If you want a couple of tips on how you know which chords to use or anything, I'd be glad to give you some more info.

That'd be great. Tell me your opinion and pm me on some tips!

OK. I'm gonna start out with some music theory review for you though just in case. I've gotta think some more about some specific tips for you... BTW, do you already know what the Leading Tone is?

isn't it the seventh note on the scale, so it just leads to the tonic?

Yeah, and a minor key, the leading tone is usually raised to strengthen the pull to the tonic, especially in the V chord and the VII chord. Did you already know all the stuff that I sent you?